or Mail and stuff.
or Mail and stuff.
Special note: These are letters from AYTIWS' first two years in business. Fresher produce lies this way.
What they have to say is in dark green. My responses, as always, are in bright red. Chrsitmasy, don't you think?
Clueless?
I just thought I would let you know that 90% of your facts are wrong.
Umm...okay. Does that mean black is white, up is down, and short is long?
Just wanted to provide you the name of the Master that Leroy Green searches for in the movie. The name is "Sum Dum Goy".
-----Randy in St. Louis.
Many thanks, Randy in St. Louis.
puma man
greetings,
well i'll be damned.. i thought maybe i was the only person that was ever pummeled by the awful movie "puma man" ... a long long time ago.. i don't know how old i was, but it must have been a long time because i still flipped out if someone said "make love" on tv, i saw most of this awful awful piece of media garbage... the ONLY PART I REMEMBER is at the end when he gets the power up and wins the game, i mean when he saves the day, the closing scene where he's flying in the air and his girlfriend is in his arms and she is confused and if i'm not mistaken he said "this is how you make love to the puma man!" the end..
WHY? WHY why oh why did this happen to us.. i would kill to get a vhs of the mst3k'fied version...
keep psycho...
proteron
Ours is not to question why. The question usually gnaws at us until we can't take it any more.
If only Rhino Home Video would get off its butt and release some of the season 8-10 tapes. They've done so well with the other MST3k releases. Nothing to do but dream, and maniacally watch the Sci-fi channel. I'm still chasing after a copy of Prince of Space. Yes, I'm mad, but somebody has to be.
Ooga Booga
I was reading the babel, when I read the part where you mentioned the natives in KK. Now according to the time period it was an "acceptable" interpretation. Of course it's still ludicrous, even if then people swallowed it.
If you haven't read the script for Peter Jackson's vision of KK, you should. I wish I remember what the link to it was. However, one of the points he drives across w/ his view of the natives is as scary--he specifically described them as not wearing grass skirts or afros. It's really a shame it never got produced, he had a pretty neat take on it.
I always liked KK, I must admit. I also always had problems with the dinosaurs and the delightful politics of the day. If you're a male and you see something unknown, you shoot at it; if you're female, you just scream and act otherwise useless. I was always amused by that.
Hey, I said I liked the film, I never said it was great. Seminal, maybe, but not a classic in the sense of Citizen Kane. Though RKO did release both films...
The Mud Puppy,
Gavin R.R. Smith
I can say with some embarrassment that I haven't watched that King Kong since I last reviewed it. But whenever I do think about certain scenes (like Kong's rampage through the native village), I get a sort of half smile at their cruddy charm. I've decided I have no real beef with Kong. There are so many better targets to take pot shots at, and "Kong" is very much a victim of its time. I do agree with you, though: it is seminal. For one thing, it's inspired more rip-offs than any other version of the "Beauty and the Beast" story in history.
Konga . . . Jesus *shiver*.
"i read your review on King Kong...."
KING KONG IS MORE THEN IDIOTIC
first of all, you know the whole herbavores posed as carnivores thing with the dinosaurs, right? Not only that, but who ever made those stupid models oviously never looked at a dinosaur before. Come on! their about 5x their real size, the antomty is all screwed up....and i don't buy that "old movie" BS excuse, either. If i ever hear another thing on AMC going on about how KK is SUCH a good movie i'll put an ax in the TV.
--DraKo
Well, unfortunately, King Kong can play the age card in regards to dinosaur anatomy. As for AMC, I fully support your plan. But (and this goes for all you people out there who want to inflict harm upon your TV) you might want to unplug the set and let it stand for a few hours. There's a hell of a lot of current kicking around in there, and a wooden handle probably won't save you. Just keep repeating whatever the AMC Talking Head said over and over again while you wait, it'll keep the anger right up there.
The Bad Seed a classic?
I'm 40 years old and I 'm glad that you are witty enough to recognize real art when you see it. The Bad Seed is not the only movie of that time to be ahead of itself. I really don't see much change in movies today. Yeah she wears a frilly dress everyday, but look at what kids are wearing today: Cabbage patch clothes, wanna-be outfits that models wear everyday, etc. I mean the screen effects are better but the acting and the plots are no different to me. All of these wanna be movies are cheap talent anyway. If the movie is good, I'll watch it even if it is B/W. "I Saw What You Did Last Summer" Part 14, "Scream" 22...you get the idea. Teeny Bop movies that are low budget by substance, but cost an arm and a leg to produce. Those are the movies that really make me wanna puke. If I want to watch a good horror film, Dracula with Bela Lagosi is my choice any day over all of those Halloween type films and those jump out and try to scare you movies. Even the Wolfman with Lon Chaney was a classic.
There is another movie I know you would be interested in. "Whit Heat" with James Cagney? Some hoodlum he used to run with shoots his Ma in the back while he is in prison. He breaks out to hunt down this coward that 86th his Ma and his lovely but stupid wife who starts fooling around with this guy. The scene when Cagney get the word while eating in the cafeteria of the prison is quiet funny but moving.
Again, glad to see someone can see good movies and know it, even if they are before our time.
Ted
Well . . . where to begin?
First, though it is a nice, slightly twisted suspense flick, I'd hardly call The Bad Seed art. But that's me. Art, like time and space, is totally relative dependent upon the observer, and is not nesessarily the same to an independent observer. We all know how I felt about the Screams, and I think you can find movies suffering from low substance and high cost no matter what era you look in.
Hi Doc,
Gotta love that " Bruce Lee,non-violence,something doesn't sound right here" I think that Bruce was at a point where he had to make things happen in his career/life at that point in time. This meant more than some guest spots on American TV. After his kick-ass Kato on The Green Hornet, he had no chance to follow that road to stardom even as an American born actor, his Chinese looks kept him out of Hollywood at that time. His only choice, to keep food on the table for his family, was the move to Hong Kong and those awfully dubbed films like "Fists". Like you say "for Bruceaholics only",I guess I must be one of those guys. Excellent review, though. Enjoyed it very much.
Best regards
Robert O'Rourke
RO'R Originals
During my viewing of Fists, I got the feeling Bruce was trying his hardest to make a Drama out of things. He was (gasp) trying to become a serious actor. This was, after all, two years before Enter the Dragon, which has only the slimmest of plot lines wrapped around its chocolate Kung Fu center. But Fists plays more like a soap opera than a chop sockie flick . . .until the second half. Bruce had yet to learn that you don't need drama to please us Americans, just as long as you have a bunch of guys kicking the crap out of each other.
Bathory
Hmmmm.....The Craving sounds really crappy, Doc Psy. One thing they got wrong from the git-go, according to your review...Countess bathory wasn't burnt at the stake. She was walled up in a room in her own castle for something like twenty or so years, where she eventually died.
Too bad. A good movie could have been made about the "blood countess" coming back to life, but apparently they just made this dreck, which you unfortunately had to watch!
Take care.
Mike
Don't worry too much, Mike. Like I said, I watched The Craving on painkillers so, I really can't remember that much of the damn thing (I'm not playing when I say that). Luckily, I wrote the review before my buzz wore off, or I never would've remembered enough about the movie to have an opinion fore or against it.
Funny "King Kong" review...
Hi,
I got a good laugh reading your review of "King Kong", after a friend sent me the link. I did want to ask you whether you intended it to be more than just tongue-in-cheek? Have you ever read any reviews of the film from its original release in '33? You might be amused by how praiseworthy they found the acting (even Bruce Cabot gets singled out as "capable" and "admirable"). If you want to see the true depths of bizarre 30's acting styles, watch "42nd Street"... a best picture winner I think and almost surreal in its "characterizations".
The one thing that's not legitimate territory for faulting the makers of "Kong" is the suggestion that they depicted any of the herbivorous dinosaurs behaving as carnivores. They were very carefully to show the brontosaurus only biting and then dropping his victims and the stegosaurus merely charges the humans as a rhinoceros. The makers having drawn an analogy between the often aggressive behavior of large contemporary herbivores, such as elephants, rhinos and hippos, with the dinos.
Best,
James
As far as I know, I was in a completely serious mindset during the writing of that review. All my reviews, actually. I should probably be more whimsical and sage-like, but when a movie pisses me off, it really pisses me off. I probably was off with the dino-criticism. By then I think I was still raging at the "Ooga-booga" natives in their little mini-skirts and head dresses. Maybe I was wishing a hex on Fay Wray, hoping she'd shut up. That's probably it.
website is cool
hey. i think your site is awesome. friday the 13 is my favorite day of the 8year. that is alll i wanted to tell you
signed jeff
Actually, it's my favorite day too, Jeff. And, I did some checking and found out that we'll get two Friday the 13ths next year. 2001 is gonna rock.
What are the rest of you staring at?
I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and, doggone it, Jeffrey Zeldman likes me.
I love it that you've taken on the mission of doing a better job than roger ebert. too funny!
jeffrey
What the hell are you people wasting your time here? Visit his site, for crying out loud. You only live so long, you have to see as much greatness as possible.
And on a positive note. . .
Well, I have to agree with your assessment of the KK remake. I like it better than the original myself. But then again, I really don't care for Kong in the first place (My love of 'Zilla stemmed from a love of dinosaurs, and kong ain't no dinosaur!), so my opinion really doesn't matter...
Mark.J.Tannacore
Oh, bull, everyone's does. Besides, you've given me an excuse to say, "Haha!, I was right! Screw you, Ebert! Ah-hahahah . . .!"
Boy, do I ever suck.
I only had to read 2 paragraphs of your review to figure out that you had to be a Godzilla fan. Yet another fool who is still bitter over the fact (and it's just a movie, dammit!) that Kong beat Godzilla in KK v Godzilla. There's also been many more monsters to come America's way since the 1930's. Kong is just a favorite. Face it pal, Godzilla is corny, and cheesy. It's not even in horror movie status. It's enjoyable to watch, but it's a comedy. As a horror movie, Godzilla sucks. Period. Get over it.
--J
Well. And here I thought I actually liked King Kong vs. Godzilla. Shows what I know.
But, really, what do you say to something like this? I mean, besides the obligatory, "Sit on it and spin, uncle fucka," I mean? Here we have an individual who has never seen the original Godzilla, without the platitudes of Raymond Burr. We must be kind to these people, and treat them pity, for they know not of what they speak.
(I've really gotta watch less South Park).
Swamp Thing
Hey Doc Psy
I remember Swamp Thing from the 80's. It kinda scared me a little, but I was a kid then. I wanted to ask you though, didn't you think the transformation of the bad guy into a monster looked kinda fake? I'm not saying I didn't enjoy the movie, but it reminded me of something I'd seen on one of those old japanese monster shows back in the 70's.
Personally I'd like to see a fight between Swamp Thing and Man Thing.
Take Care
Mike
Dante's Inferno and All Night Video
Store
No doubt Arcane's transformation could benefit from some heavy morphing effects. Though the sheer amout of blood and puss in that scene is something the horror fans I know would jump for joy about (I'm looking at you, Gorelord).
Godzilla fallout
Wello, just got back from watching G2K in the theatres, and after reading your review, I felt the need to contribute. I agree totally with you. Dubbing aside. This just wasn't all that good of a Godzilla movie. I didn't like the totally expressionless face, and Orga had to be the most boring monster ever. (aside from that freakish bird thing in Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster) And I also find it sad that someone can computer generate a perfect UFO on Navigator over 10 years ago, but Toho can't make a decent one in 1999. Hopefully the guys who made Gamera will just storm the Godzilla studio and fix it.
Paul Wolff
Well, this is not even close to the hateful deluge of mail I hoped to recive on the subject. In fact, this seems (dare I say it?) positive. Wow.
Sorry, don't mean to rub it in anyone's face.
Praise, and AOL.
They're all pretty damn funny, especially the "Evil Dead" one.
But one thing puzzles me--I tried to read your reviews for "Clue" and "The Matrix" but it only scrolled down partway--after that, the page ended, and the rest of the review just wasn't there.
Any idea as to what happened? There might be something wrong with your page--or then
again, it could just be my sucky AOL browser.
Mara Jade
Unfortunately, (or fortunately, to hear some say it) I don't have a version of AOL (or AOhelL, to hear some tell it) on my computer. Pro: more space for movie reviews on my hard drive. Con: the inability to test my site's usability in AOL. So I have to hear about things like this second hand. And by then, it's too late.
The problem is probably caused by the crappy bulk code my version of Front Page (yes, I use Front Page, so kick me) used to generate. Hopefully, as I go clean up the code in my reviews, AYTIWS will at least be legible for you fine folks at AOL. Nothin' but love for ya.
Oh, and, sorry about the AOhelL dig. It wasn't mine. I stole it from a friend. Honest. Honest!
I'm disappointed in your review of Salem's Lot...assuming I'm
sending this to the right person. I just saw it the other night on Sci-Fi and was amazed
how good it was, compared to the book. Every review I read also compared it favorably to
the book. You sound like you were held at gunpoint to watch it in the first place..perhaps
you were expecting tits and ass and ridiculous special effects, like some loser horror
movies(Scream, Urban Legend and the like). This was 1979 remember, and it's hard to
compare to today's standards, but it absolutely worked for me. You probably think that the
original HalloweeN was lame because it was tasteful. What's your favorite horror film
anyway?
Thanks, Frank.
Well, first, you obviously haven't read my review of Halloween.
Secondly: "This was 1979 remember, and it's hard to compare to today's standards" I find it hard to believe that the standards for good acting, directing and script writing are all that different from "today's standards". Whatever those are. I judge movies by my standards, and I have seen hundreds, maybe thousands of better writen, better directed horror movies. But that's just me. After all, as you say:
"it absolutely worked for me."
And that's what it comes down to. I like it, you didn't. That's entertainment.
I suck!
ALWAYS A CRITIC...JUST WATCHED IT, AND DID NOT PICK IT APART, BUT ENJOYED IT....IF YOU DO NOT ENJOY THINGS, THEN WHY DO YOU WATCH THEM, JUST TO FIND THE LITTLEST FLAW OR FAULT. ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS humpf!
USDABOY4U@aol.com
What? You want me to review a movie without actually watching it? Who am I, Roger Ebert? I have to watch these crap movies, otherwise I won't know whether or not they're crap.
And, besides, I wouldn't call bad acting, bad writing, or bad directing "littlest" flaws. Especially not in some of the pictures I've seen. Saying Gone in 60 Seconds suffers little flaws is like saying the Mir space station suffers from poor matenance.
Just a comment about your review. (I haven't seen the movie yet, so I'm not going to place my opinion on it) You mentioned "Carnotors" in your review. Now, I dunno if it's true throughout the movie, but in the previews the only carnosaur I saw was of a species known as Carnotaurus, which happens to be one of my favorite dinosaurs. The plural of which is Carnotaurs, obviously. You probably know this already, but I just felt like saying it.
Gavin R.R. Smith
I knew that term sounded familiar. Too lazy to look, though. Just goes to show you: crime may not pay but laziness will get you a pretty good mid-level income.
Dan suggested Movies I Should Review before asking:
Also, what's with the constant Ebert bashing? If I read his South Park review correctly, he mostly agreed with you. In the book with 1999's reviews, he said he really should have given it three stars.
--Dan Rudolph
Good question . . . I wish I knew the answer. I guess it comes down to a conflict of taste. Ebert, more then any other critic, has paned a great deal of the movies I like the most. Batman is a good example. Others are spread all throughout my (slightly aged) copy of his movie review book. I just don't agree with him, I think he's got bad taste.
But, on the flip side, I diss a lot of famous people. 9 times out of 10 it's just a cheep way to get a laugh. "It's all in fun," as the Kid says.
Dr.,
How can you so hate Batman, even after he came prepared to battle rubber sharks? I mean,
he had Bat-Shark-Repellant on him! That's preparation. That's Batman. And that was one
damn funny scene.
-Doug Frye
What can I say? Comes down to personal taste, I guess. And Batman left the worst taste I've ever had in my mouth. And I've eaten at Jack N'the Box.
Ok, this is really nit-picky, but being from Chicago it kind of bothers me
First, it's spelled CABRINI Green, and second, it's a Public Housing Project, not a slum. Ok, the second is a pretty fine distinction, and you could argue that it's a Project AND a slum, being the most notorious of Chicago's Projects, and it may well have been portrayed incorrectly in the film, but the misspelling just really bugs me.
Thanks for listening (well, reading anyway) my rant.
Wdpattis@aol.com
This is what I get for not being a Chicago native. Thanks for catching that. I hope y'all notice that the spelling in the review has been corrected. Movie critics do it right, by gum. And we do it with two thumbs up. Up where? Well, only the Shadow knows.
Funny review, doc! I found it while doing a search for the cast members. What's freaky is that I actually saw CoS when it was new!
I got a bug up my butt about it when I read a recent review of The Angry Red Planet, and wondered if it was the Mars flic I saw as a kid. When I went searching at my local totally excellent vid shop (Scarecrow - Seattle), I could only recall a couple details. I recalled the ship trying to blast off Mars while the ground underneath crumbled, and I vaguely recalled an Asian guy trying to grow a plant in the Martian soil. We narrowed it down to two titles. I went with "Conquest of Space," the only one to feature -- yep, an Asian guy -- Benson Fong in the cast. And sure as heck, about 2/3 of the way through the flic he grew a little sprout in the Martian soil! Unbelievable that 42 years later I'd remember that scene and get it right. As a former VEEP once said during his seemingly endless 15 minutes of fame,
"What a terrible thing it is to waste one's mind."
Also in the cast was a very young Ross Martin (Artemus Gordon/Wild Wild West). I knew he was expendable when they sent him on a space walk to repair something (a stuck jack screw assembly?). This role might have been instrumental in landing him a similar role later as an astronaut in a Twilight Zone episode. In fact, as I recall (and I'm good at that!) he played the token freaked-out astro in TZ, a role he (or Serling) might have reprised from Walter Brooke's freaked-out General Sam in Conquest of Space. (In the TZ ep Martin Landau played the fearless crew leader.)
Thanks again for the fun review.
Jef Jaisun
You're welcome. Nice responce, huh people?
Hey, Doc. Love the web site. I have some comments for Zulu
The movie Zulu is based upon the true story of the Battle of Roarke's Drift,a battle that I have studied quite a bit (darn history profs!). The reason they didn't run was there was nowhere to run *to*. The largest British force within a weeks travel had been killed that first morning and there were more Zulus between them and help. Also, there were no more that 12 horses at the supply station at the time; Zulu warriors could run up to 50 miles a day, Zulu armies typically covered 30 a day over rough terrain. British (or other *ahem* modern armies) average about 20 miles a day over roads, perhaps 30 if they arrive in no condition to fight.
So, if they had run off they would have been caught in the open, probably before nightfall. They stayed put for the shelter of the buildings. Also, it is really likely that the person who thought up the initial defenses and got everything ready was the civilian supply master (in the movie he has a line and, as in real life, dies early) who had been working with the army for 30 years and in Africa with the Zulu for 12. The senior officer, the dummy, was actually pretty much a dummy. An engineer, he knew almost nothing about combat. Which probably saved everyone; he was so focused on what he *did* know, making defenses, that there was enough shelter for the final stand. And the character played by Michael Caine went on to have a brilliant career as an officer; according to the men, reporters, etc., he was actually a charming, charismatic man who just wanted the other officer to shut up and let him get things done right (which is, apparantly, what happened. While one was building defenses, the other was leading the men on the front lines).
An amazing battle, really, which is studied in military academies all over the world.
Richard Stump
Thanks for the info. As I review more historical movies I'm just gonna need more stuff like this from you guys. Number one: so I can measure a movie's historical accuracy, and two, because I'm just to darn lazy to look this stuff up myself.
Send me the weirdest horror movies and pictures. I can take a lot of shit.
My kindest regards.
Wyckmans Eddy
I'm sure you can. (Um . . . guards!)
Jack Frost 1 & 2
So they have made a sequel to Jack Frost. I know they finished filming in Jan and are probably in post production now. Have you heard anything about it? Do you know what production company is doing it? I don't know any of the pricipal actors, I do know that David Allen Brooks has a part in it. Any info or leads you can give me to finding out when this "masterpiece" will be released would be greatly appreciated.
Bette
First question: Is the Jack Frost the killer snowman or Jack Frost the irresponsible father? Because, aside from those two usual suspects I can't find any info on either. Maybe I'm just not whispering in the right ears. What about the rest of you guys? Any news?
Okay, so like, I'm getting over the flu, and the glands in my neck are, like, the size of golfballs (or hailstones, take your pick), and I keep putting off showing my wife South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut because laughter sends us both into long, extreme fits of coughing. And what do you do, you bastard?
"Bruce Lee, Maximize!"
You bastard. You sick, sadistic bastard.
-Freeman
Cough cough hee hee cough
The Bad Movie Report (See Links)
What can I say? Doing Satan's work isn't easy, but somebody's gotta do it. Just remember, that's "mad bastard" to you.
Hello Dr Psy: Yes, Bram Stoker did write a book called LAIR OF THE WHITE WORM, shortly before his death from either Bright's disease ( which is something to do with the kidneys, I think) or syphilis ( according to his great-nephew ). Either way, he was NOT mentally normal when he wrote that book, which is the weirdest thing ever published. Let's just say it makes the screenplay seem coherent. For instance, in the book Lady Arabella apparently IS the White Worm. In one scene she is attacked by a mongoose that just happens to be wandering around in England - so she whips a revolver out of her purse and blasts its little furry butt to kingdom come. From there it gets weirder.
In NEEDFUL THINGS, it seemed to me that Mr Gaunt's price for curing Polly (I think that was her name) was pretty low: twenty dollars and a quickie, for a miracle cure? I wondered if there was going to be a sting in the tail, as it were- Was there going to be a sequel: N T 2- BEELZEBUB'S BABY? Though it was fun to see Max Von Sydow getting lucky for once.
Sandra
Hmm . . . the white worm with a gun . . . I dare say that might have actually created some entertainment value. We simply can't have that.
Two reviews for Zoo Radio posted on the Internet within a few weeks of each other?!?! What a coincidence....or...is it???? :-)
Oh well, at least someone else shares my pain from seeing that movie.
Greywizard
Only Oliver Stone knows for sure.
"Speaking from experience here, I could get a pig drunk and he'd still manage to show more emotion then Captain Broadchest."
God, I sense a really good story here, but my better judgement is telling me to just.... walk..... away......
-Freeman
You should buy your better judgement something extra special for its birthday.
1st Anniversary
Congratulations on your first year! You've accomplished a lot. Keep plugging away; the web needs as much b-movie info as it can get!
Chris @ Stomp Tokyo
Thanks, man. And so do I plug.
Sorry I'm a little late in respond to your paging of me for your review of "Pressure Point". The movie does indeed seem unknown enough to belong on my page (for one thing, I couldn't find it in *any* of my reference books!) Though since I find far, far more crap movies than good movies in my viewings, I don't need to see another one. Though I am always grateful for knowing any particular unknown movie isn't worth a rental, so thank you.
One question: did you look up the actors of "Pressure Point" at the IMDB? For example, when I rented "Conway", I couldn't find it listed in the IMDB. A search of actor Matt McColm soon showed me that the movie was also known as "Body Armor" and "The Protector". I added "Conway" to the alternate titles, though after watching the movie, I don't think anyone will give enough of a damn about the movie to make them look it up!
Greywizard
It was the first place I checked, actually. The IMDb spits up 4 movie's called Pressure Point, 1 a TV movie, one made in 1962, and one just released in theaters (except it was called "The World Is Not Enough"). The one that comes close to what I saw wasn't even made in the right year (1997 instead of 95) and has no alternate titles listed.
*shrug* Guess the movie was just some foul ball hit out of the Twilight Zone. Maybe I can stump Dr. Freex with this one.
excellent site
I'm very impressed with your site, very progressive. I enjoy the honesty without regard to "public river washing" very nice. However your choice of what to review or not puzzles me. Any method to your madness? Tell me when you get around to rating Merlin.
Good question. And, as far as I know: no. Sometimes I wander aimlessly through the
video store until I see something. Sometimes I look at my collection and think, "Hmm,
haven't seen that in awhile, wonder if it's still good?" Mostly I seam to have stuck
to the sci-fi/horror genres because that's what I watch and own. I plan to mix it up a
little in the new year, though.
So, you see, I'm really just like any mortal dude. Well, except for the whole faster then
a speeding bullet thing.
There's Something About Mary, but don't worry. I used protection.
I agreed with your review of "There's something about
Mary". Stupid movie. All of the (somewhat) funny stuff was in the previews. I fell
asleep during it. Luckily I waited to see it on video and NOT pay full price for this
movie. There's not alot worse than falling asleep in a movie theatre!! Anyway...thanks for
the entertainment!! Au Revoir!!
Lisa
Well, I could think of a few things worse then falling asleep in a theater. I mean, I could wake up tomarrow and become Albert Pyun. Now that's the ultimate in horror. Eat that, Blair Witch Project.
Those darn slashers
blur5919@yahoo.com here :
hi.....
hmmm...think u miss out one.....
"Urban Legend"
and fridat the 13th second episod is out......
and allso.......
all those "child's play" series missing........
i think the best horror is still the so call chuky in
the child's play series....
tell me wat u think when u get view of those kay....
happy viewing..........
BLUR................
I have been neglecting the slasher movies, haven't I? Well, were I Dr. Freex, I'd probably remind everybody that thousands of bytes of code from thousands of review sites have developed a pretty big monopoly on slasher flick reviews. I am, however, not Dr. Freex (my Bad Movie is yet to be made . . . patience, kids), so I really can't use that one to hide my own laziness, or general apathy towards the sub genre. Stick with me for a bit and I promise you Jason, Freddy, and Chucky will all drop in for visits.
This site in general
Jut wanted to email you to say that your opinions in general were literally THE SAME AS MINE (cept I don't really like porn. Not that I have some evil grudge against it, it's not evil (even if it was, that doesn't mean I'd hate it. I never claimed to be good.), it's okay, it just doesn't do anything for me). It was like reading something straight out of my mind, especially "Say a prayer for the youth of America". All of your movie opinions that I got a chance to read were the same as mine. 'Scream' rocks. 'Evil Dead' rocks. Sam Raimi rocks. 'Batman and Robin' sucks some major hosewater. 'Blade' renews faith in the later '90's superhero flicks. 'Sling Blade' is good. And everything with blood and guts rocks. Keep up the good work.
Morrigan Faith
Ah, letters like this give me a warm, fuzzy feeling. Or maybe that's the booze. One can never be sure.
The Xanadu Appreciation Club
Dr Psy -
You know, I was so perplexed by this vague comment (see next letter--Dr. Psy) that I went and visited the aforementioned site. But, by golly, she's right! You are an idiot! It took only one or two of the XANADU vidcaps for me to come to my senses. I have seen the light!
Your fellow idiot,
Joe @ Opposable Thumb Films
He has SEEN the light! Now, go fo-artha young man and spread the gosple of Oliva Newton John-John just as Gawd has commanded!
A Xanadu fan's vengeance
You're an idiot
go to this URL and you'll know why:
http://visitweb.com/XANADU1
Jacky
I really hope that was meant in jest, because I don't want to have to make some trite "This from a person who liked Xanadu" comment.
He Survived Salem's Lot
Among the other problems of the film:
Everyone's too damn old. Mike Ryerson, a high school student, looks to be well in his 40s, and the kid hero who was 8 in the book looks like he should be at least on his learner's driving permit.
Also, they went for a Nosferatu rather than Dracula-type vampire, though Reggie Nalder is admirably ugly in the part.
Brandi Weed
It's nice to know that other people have suffered what I've suffered. And it's nice to have them catch the things I miss.
Tempting My Wrath
CONSIDERING IT'S ENORMOUS BUDGET, G98 HAS GOT TO RANK AS ONE
OF THE MOST DISAPPOINTING MOVIES EVER!!! TO ME, IT WAS THE SINGLE WORST MOVIE OF 1998 AND
EASILY ONE OF THE WORST AND MOST PATHETIC MOVIES OF ALL-TIME!!! DEANZILLA IS TRULY A
DISGUSTING AND STUPID-LOOKING CREATURE UNWORTHY OF THE NAME "GODZILLA". YOU'VE
HEARD OF "DEATH BEFORE DISCO?" WELL, DEATH BEFORE DEANZILLA!!! AH-HA!!!
P.S. OTHER THAN THAT, I ENJOYED G98 ABOUT AS MUCH AS I'D ENJOY CONSUMING RAW SEWAGE.
YUCK!!!
I warned another chap that dissing Godzilla would flip me to "full auto". Why don't people listen to me?
Actually, I like letters like this. It gives me the chance to take my anger out on others, and, hopefully, show how stupid some people can be. "Considering it's enormous budget"? So big budget movies are suppose to be automatically good? Tell that to the makers of Batman and Robin, or Armageddon. Oh yeah, there's sound logic.
But then, you're probably one of those people who like Armageddon, aren't you? And you'll probably back yourself up by saying "Well, Armageddon made more money the Godzilla," implying that a movie's quality is dependent upon it's box office. Boy, if I didn't have a brain, I might have to agree with you.
Of course, anyone who believes Godzilla to be the worst movie ever made has lived in a mineshaft all their life.
As the reader might see, I've danced this dance before, I know the steps.
I have my opinion, just as you have yours. I feel last year's Godzilla got (and continues to get) and unfair trashing by fans and non-fans alike. Why you felt I would like to see another example of this is beyond me.
Also, if you utilized the power of your left pinky, you could get access to lower case letters. It's just good grammar.
An Addition to Armageddon
Hi Doc. In "Armageddon", why the hell do all of the
"Pre-Asteroids" always make perfect targets of populated areas like Hong Kong,
New York and Paris? If I didn't know better, I'd think they were being shot at us by
Martians.
You're doing a great job! Give'em hell!
LATER!!SHAWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Darn. I wished I'd thought of that joke first. Thanks, man, and there's lots of hell to go around, trust me.
Bram Stoker's Lair of the White Worm (directed by Francis Ford Coppala)
Yep, there really was such a book by Bram Stoker. I had a bunged-up library-sale paperback copy for a while, but it was definitely not one of his better books.
It's out there on the Gutenberg Project if you want to read it, at (this site--The Doctor)
Interesting that the fellow's name was D'Ampton-- all this time I thought they were saying "Lambton", based on an existing folklore tale about the Lambton Worm, which also was thrown down a well and grew into a dragon. Interestingly, I think it was killed by giving it a lump of meat seasoned with pitch or tar which its internal fires ignited, killing it.
Brandi
Now, who here thinks that would have kicked more ass then Lair in its present form? Wait, first you'd better show me how many have actually seen Lair besides me.
Forever Evil . . . he was there. . .
Hey Doc,
Just wanted to commend you on your ability to enjoy a film like F.E.... I have been defending it for what it is since J.C. Matalon and I "world premiered" it at The Memphis Fantasy Con in July of '87.(this was the 2.5 hour directors cut!!)
I find F.E. to be better (in many ways) than a lot films costing much more with big "stars" to boot. I am not sure if it is the writing , concept, or just the balls it took to do it.
I have been trying to get funding for Freeman's next script/film (working title) "HELLSPAWN". This feature we can do (!) for $1,005,000. It has many cool plot points and a large amount of "funstuff". It includes : Deamons,Voodoo Priestess. eyeball swopping,plauges from Hell, Zombies, Knights Templar, a credit card machine wielding Master Oracle,and our hero's "The Dreamer" and "The Reporter".
Freeman will direct ... this will be good...
By the way , ease up on the "Demon Baby" ... I mechanized it for about $23.00 with stuff from the local hobby shop!!
Thanks for your time...
Jim "Dr. Ike" Eikner
P.S. ever notice how many PHD's there are in this business?!?
Twenty-three bucks, huh? Con artist.
Yes, though F.E. did spring a few leaks along the way (most of which could be plugged with the help of, oh, I don't know, maybe actual money!) it did entertain me. And that's the true test of a movies goodness.
"Hellspawn", eh? Gee, where have I heard that before?
You're welcome for my time. Hell, I'm not using it.
LOL
Love it, but I have to admit, I love the letter page the best.
Thanks for making my day.
Rick Santillo
No, thank you, because, as corny as it sounds, letters like this make my day
(Someone else's) shameless plug
Dear Dr.
Well, sometimes nerdy Doctor's get the chicks, ya know?
I know. Just not this nerdy Doctor.
Anyway, we enjoy your site (altho we take exception to your review of Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea -- the title song alone makes it worth watching, not to mention the scene when Joan Fontaine gets eaten by sharks --come on!). And, we thought it might be fun to tell you about our latest book (but this is not a plug, of course) called Stupid Movie Lines, just published by Villard/Random House, pb, $9.95. We bet you can figure out what it's about. You're right! It's dumb quotes from dumb movies (altho, there are also plenty of not-so-dumb movies, too).
Keep up the good work. And, as Sam says in Thou Shalt Not Kill....Except, "Don't you EVER touch the sacrificial fluids...okeydokey?"
Best,
Ross and Kathryn Petras
Just thought I'd include this since it is a damn good book which you should all go out and buy. Now. Right now! I'm not playin' GO! Oh, and Ross and Kathryn, when you get that big fat royalty check don't forget to look in my direction, 'kay?
Nemesis part 2
Stumbled across your site today, and read your "Nemesis" review. I think you were WAY too kind :-) to the people who made this steaming pile of dog crap, especially Pyun. It sure hurt watching this movie, didn't it? Oh well, you can now relax, now that you've done your token Albert Pyun movie. Look at the bright side: you've saved people from watching Puyn's movies. That means they won't rent them. Which means video stores will stop buying Pyun's movies. Which means Pyun will go out of business! You've just saved humanity from more torture!!!!!!!
One last thing: any page that quotes from "The Unknown Movies" can't be bad at all! Shows you have excellent taste....
"Greywizard"
The Unknown Movies
See? Other web critics think I have taste! All you Armageddon fans'll have to eat your words now.
Nemesis part 1:
Re:
"I hope everyone involved in this movie is sterilized. I want the writer shot. I want Pyun shot. Matter of fact, I want 'em all shot! I hope they all die, and they go to hell!! And Satan. I hope Satan takes his pitchfork and sticks it up their stupid asses!!! And then I hope they burn in the deepest, darkest pits of hell forever and ever and ever!!!! Amen."
Jeez, man, I wish you'd stop beating around the bush and just tell us what you think.
-Freeman
You're *still* mad.
And proud of it, too.
Actual Praise !
Geez, man. I just positively love your site. Especially that review of 'Batman and
Robin'. That just made me crack up. And since you seem to like MST3K so much, well...
there's an archive of nothing but MiSTings on the internet, except that they take bad fan
fiction, stories, spam, scripts, comics, prose, poems, etc. and give the movie treatment.
I think there's a copy of 'Batman and Robin' in there, somewhere. Anyway, it's at
(Doctor's note: for the URL see the Links page) if that doesn't
work, look up 'Web Site Number 9 - Mistings Archive' in your favorite browser. (My
personal favorite MiSTing would have to be one of a Sailor Moon/Wrestling Crossover,
'Sailor Moon vs. the WWF'.) See you
later.
- Commander 'Keenies' Keen
P.S. I perfectly agree with you on that Star Wars, Ep 1 rebuttal of that Newsweek
reviewer for said movie.
Wow, I do belive we have an actual fan on our hands, Watson. By George, your right, Holmes. Never had one of those before.
Dancing 'Zillas
Actually, MONSTER ZERO is a favorite of mine, as it's goofy without getting stoopid like the later films. I recall reading that Godzilla's dance was actually mimicking a dance craze that was sweeping Japan at the time. So it's not the effect of a few bong hits before they shot the scene; it's topical humor that makes about as much sense to us here in the West as the topical humor in Shakespeare's plays; funny (perhaps) at the time, but completely lost on us now.
Kept meaning to tell you my reaction to ARMAGEDDON: After it was over, I said, "Gee, that was just like THE GREEN SLIME, only without the Green Slime." I think my wife hit me.
-Freeman
And to find out what he thought of The Green Slime click here.
BTW, this makes a very cute double feature with the 70s mystery spoof Murder By Death.
--Brandi
Well, then, I might just have to try and hunt that one down. Thanks for the contribution
I'm not offended by your opinion of Seagal movies, especially ABOVE THE LAW. It's a Constitutional right to spout off about a movie you think is awful and not have the fashoion police down on your head. My opinion is that the movie was too subtle for you. Seagal CAN act. What you see on the screen is NOT what you get in person.
--Best, Montana Blue
Uh, okay. I'm really not sure what that means, though. I'm reviewing what I see on the screen, not in person. From what I see on the screen Seagal displays all the emotion of a falling brick. Subtle? I'd use the word "dead" myself, but whatever.
Re: LITTLE, PURPLE TELLETUBBIES
You know only Americans would think of purple as being a "gay" colour or the triangle as a "gay" symbol. This show is seen in 150 countries.Most other countries no nothing of the garbage.
shaun miller
Tell that to Jerry Fallwell
Re: Roger Corman
Two things about him:
1) Not *all* his movies are dreadful (the Poe ones are a lot of fun, and X! The Man with X-ray Eyes is pretty good despite its cheapness)and 2) Even if he's not good, he sure kickstarted the careers of many good directors (and a few good actors, too).
Brandi Weed
Okay, (1) True (especially the part about X!) and (2) True. I think I was being a bit overly dramatic for the sake of comedy. Besides, Teenage Caveman really, really, really sucks.
Re:KING KONG
I was both amazed and shocked to discover your review of KING KONG. Never in all my days have I come across a review filled with more sheer idiocy. Judging from your review your head must be as thick as a block of wood. Instead of offering any thoughtful or useful criticism you resolve to complain about the dinosaurs, or Kong's height. I suppose you would complain about the fact that Kong doesn't pull off all of Fay Wray's clothes too? How anyone could rate that cheap BEAST FROM 20K FATHOMS rip-off, GODZILLA above KING KONG is beyond me. You should really stop wasting other people's time with your useless opinion.
-James Madison
Wow, um, sorry I dumped on your favorite monster movie. Had I known that you worshiped it I would never have criticized it so. I noticed that you didn't provide anything in defense of Kong ether, James. Instead you railed on me for not liking it. A note to you people out there in internet land: If you hate me and want to fight, at least give me a reason why I should think as you think. That way I can poke holes in your views and make you look like a fool in front of people.
Fair warning, though: he who dissesGodzilla shall face my wrath.
I personally like rip-off squared. You may have stumbled onto a new genre here, one that's primarily occupied by Italian movies (just how many ROAD WARRIOR rips did we actually *need*?)
You're still mad,
-Freeman
That's Dr. Freex from The Bad Movie Report. He's the one who actually watches movies like Octaman, I Drink Your Blood, and Up From the Depths on a regular basis while sober. And he thinks I'm mad. He's right.
Ray Harryhausen
From the Jason and the Argonauts review:
"Seams to me that ol' Ray has made a career out of taking credit for other people's movies. I mean have you ever heard of Don Chaffey? He's the stiff who directed this movie. Ever heard of Jan Read or Beverley Cross? Well we have them to thank for this movie since they wrote the screenplay in the first place. No, this is a Ray Harryhausen movie. Jeez, people complain about special effects being to important in today's movies but many times Ray Harryhausen is the only person anyone can name from this movie's crew. "
I think the problem is that fellows like Chaffey are solid, workmanlike types, like those character actors who you see in lots of films and who give good performances,but you never remember their names.
Harryhausen, OTOH, has done solid work across quite a few films, and not been strongly associated with any one director (like, say, composer Bernard Herrman and Alfred Hitchcock).
-Brandi Weed
Okay, rant time. I agree with your analogy, but it just doesn't sit right with me. I've always had trouble with people not getting credit for work well done and when I hear "Ray Harryhausen movie" it makes me think about the writer the slaved away at his/her typewriter/computer and will never be IDed by the layperson, and to have the writer upstaged by the SPFX really gets my goat.
Keep sending that mail, people. Who knows, you might be here next.