After a letters page two years and 55k long, I decided to start over again. Here are the Older Letters.
Brandi Weed sayz:
I wouldn't quite call Merry and Pippin Odious Comic Relief as they're actually pretty funny and never made me cringe or roll my eyes (unlike a certain Star Wars character).
Oh, God, no. But I still felt some minor twinges of annoyance at seeing the two of them act so...immature. Still, I last saw these two characters when I watch the Rankin/Bass production of Return of the King, so that probably explains it. Like Sam, I never really liked Merry or Pippin until Act Three. Hopefully they (and everyone else involved) with get nice chunks of character development in The Two Towers.
"BTW, what'd you think of Christopher Lee as Saruman?
Best Evil Wizard to hit the screen since Frank Langella played Skeletor. That may not sound like a real compliment, but, trust me, it is.
And PS: Tom Green is no longer married to Drew Barrymore.
Well...in that case...'tis indeed the season to be jolly.
Edward Clendon sayz: "YOUR CRIT. IS WRONG"
Hercules was meant to be in the story, dumbass. AND she played Hera good, Hera is a complex character, greek myth shows us many contrasting veiws of her. AND there is no need for the film to be an exact replica of the myth as greek myths were messed up and changed frequently any way. There is no one right myth. DICKHEAD.
Mr. Clendon is a professor of Greek mythology at Duke University. Can't you tell? I mean, "dickhead." Just look at the vocab words on this guy.
Brandi Weed had this to say about The Blob:
"I love that inappropriate theme song! Also, I'd say it's more of a bossa-nova lounge style than ska (ska is more uptempo). Did you know it was written by Burt Bacharach?"
No, I did not. But, taken with everything else, that doesn't surprise me one single bit.
One thing that always astounds me is that nobody mentions the absolute worst and most incompetent special effect in the whole movie. Mr. Odious Comic Relief is fishing and catches a big one--suddenly he is greeted by giant truck headlights from under the water. I believe these were supposed to be Gappa's eyes but they look EXACTLY like headlights.
Then there's the scale of the Gappas. In one destruction scene one of the Gappas has an octopus in its mouth for much of the scene before dropping it. Where the hell did it get that? That would be one rather large octopus seeing as the Gappa are at least 90 feet tall (they appear smaller than any of Godzilla's 3 sizes) so that octopus would be as big as a truck at least. Then there's the baby Gappa which someone grows from man-sized to about 50 feet tall in a matter of, what, days?! Yikes.
That's my two cents.
Gavin R.R. Smith
Now, one could assume that that octopus is a juvenile form of the giant octopus that attacked Faro Island in King Kong vs. Godzilla (despite the fact that the two movies were made by different companies and take place in two different alternate universes). And one could further suppose that the Gappas's have high beams, or some form of bioluminescence to aid them in swimming through the dark waters of the Pacific. But...if one did that, then one would be putting much more thought into this than the makers of Gappa ever did.
I suck!
BTW, Dr. Grant is supposed to be James Horner, not Robert Bakker. You'll lose your sizeable paleantology-geek readership with mistakes like that.
Nathan Shumate
JED wrote:
1. Do you believe that modern "campy" roles in movies should go to more experienced "camp" actors? Like would Tim Curry be more appropiate as Terl of Battlefield Earth than Travolta or something like that?
Tim Curry would have make Battlefield: Earth somewhat bearable. It would still've sucked, mark you that, but it would have sucked less. Because, let's face it, John Ravolta is no Tim Curry.
2. I know your not too big on the issue of "pokemon" but there are a good amount of people wondering if the show would've been better with more experienced voice actors. Such as Frank Welker, Tress MacNeille, Rob Paulsen, Charlie Adler, Scott McNeil and all sorts. Do you think that actually would've been cool or would that not matter at all.
None of these people who've changed the fact that Pokemon is a stupid fucking idea invented by money-grubbing bastards who wanted to create a fad and succeeded beyond our wildest nightmares. If the creative people behind the show were interested in telling stories instead of selling toys, that would make all the difference.
3. Did you know there are plenty of spoofs on The Rocky Horror Picture Show based on all sorts of TV shows? The shows are Histeria!, South Park, Pokemon, Digimon, Rocky & Bullwinkle, Star Trek, Muppets Tonight, Monty Python, Red Dwarf, Sesame Street, and even certain games like Final Fantasy 7. There are also plans of it with Rugrats, Powerpuff girls, Dragon Ball Z, Gundam Wing and more. Tell me what are your thoughts about all of this? (If any?)
Hey, more the merrier. The world is a better place with more Rocky Horror in it.
4. Coming March 2002 there is going to be a 10th Friday the 13th movie called Jason X. It is now in a sci-fi setting in which earthlings are now forced to live in space stations they have a frozen Jason that will soon melt and chaos will certainly ensue. This was also said to have a satricial sense of humor but what it mainly does for humor is humans & a robot that will not shut up about sex. How do you feel about this "coming atrraction" news? (And the things is I am not joking this is very true.)
Hellraiser tried that already with Hellraiser: Bloodline. It turned into an Alien rip-off, only with Pinhead and his assorted Cenobite friends. It sucked. This will inevitably turn into an Alien rip-off, only with Jason, and will probably suck. None of the people running the Slasher franchises are interested in doing anything original or creative. The "Jason in space" angle is just a hook to lure people in. Look what they did with Part 8: Jason Takes Manhattan, and how they pissed all over any potential that concept had. They'll do the same thing here. Bet on it.
(Now the following questions is a bit more personal about this very site. And I will be okay if you want to ignore due to feeling offended or annoyed or something like that.)
5. I'm sure you are well aware of how people seriously doubted your ability to be able to review every movie ever made. But what I am getting here is somewhat different. You see people are wondering if its too inefficent for you to do one or two reviews every few days. Now I know your in no big hurry to do try to accomplish your goal and I am also aware that you have a life outside this site. But the thing is that it troubles your chances of your goal getting done AT ALL! I remember that when a friend of mine said that you'll have to live to be 1000 in order to get even close to your desired goal. So basically the point is why is the review rate so small and slow?
For the very reasons you stated above: I have a life outside this site and, really, I'm in no big hurry to acomplish my goal. And also: I'm under no delusions about the impossiblity of my task. I'll be pushing this rock up the hill when PCs have become fossils and the internet is beamed directly into your brain. Hell, I'll be doing pretty well for myself if I've watched a *tenth* of Every Movie Ever Made by the time I die, surrounded by beautiful girlfriends, adoring fans and intelligent children in my own kingsized by, round about the year 2508.
But, hey, the look on people's faces when I answer the inevitable "Why are you reviewing movies?" question makes it all worth while.
Hello there,
Hi.
I thought Kip Niven did a great job as Richard Sullivan also. It was almost like the disturbed "inner child" was emerging as Richard sat in the elevator and discussed his bitterness with Blaze, his wife. Another effective scene is of the killer showing up in the reflection of the mirror his wife was perched in front of in the hotel.
- Nick G.
And, perhaps if I'd actually watched New Years Evil, I might just get some of these references. As is, I have yet to track down a copy of this flick, considering Gorelord was kind enough to suffer through the movie for me. Appreciate the comments though. If I had a message board, I'm sure this would spark a discussion or two.
Baby Boomers
I am in my 20's and I am sick of these 40 and 50 somethings bashing young people. They are always talking about how todays kids are so fat, lazy, promiscious, etc. Hell some of those boomers are fat as hell also. They didn't look like barbie growing up. As far as sex is concerned, the teen pregnacy rate was higher among them than with the so-called generation x'ers. I believe some of that bashing is wishful thinking, because they fucked up their lives and they want the younger crowd to fuck up also.
maine890@cs.com
Um...okay
Hello.
Hi.
Bram Stoker wrote Lair of the White Worm when he was dying of kidney disease ( or maybe syphilis, according to his nephew). Whichever, he seems to have been heavily medicated. You think the movie was weird? The book was even weirder! And full of sexual symbolism, particularly the last bit, where they blow up the worm's hole (described as foul-smelling' and full of 'slime'). As for the movie, what did you expect from a director like Ken 'Wretched Excess' Russell?
Sandra
Not bloody much. And he still fell short of expectations.
Joe Littrell wrote:
Admit it - you just wrote that review so you could get hate mail from Gary Goddard too, right?
(looks around suspiciously) Why, no. No. Never. (looks over shoulder) What ever gave you that idea?
loxom wrote:
"On your website of the review of the 1933 King Kong , you say that they do not tell where Denham got his map . But in the movie it does in fact tell you where he got it . To find out , watch Son of Kong (the man who gave it to him is eaten by a weird looking sea dinosaur at the end of the movie)"
Well, gee, thanks for spoiling the movie for me.
Just kidding. Seriously, though, I'd forgotten that little tidbit from Son o' Kong. I'll bring that to light when I find a copy of the movie again.
Thanks for the note.
Fanfics
JED wrote:
BTW I have a question about the contributions. Could anyone send fanfics that you might actually want to put up on the site? Or could the fanfics be specifically done by you only? I was just curious. So please respond soon.
Um...I'm a bit embarrassed to confess this, but...I never gave any serious thought to displaying my own fanfics, to say nothing of the fanfics of others.
If that Pokemon thing I did sparked this question: I just meant that as a fluke. I was bored one day and wrote this thing and decided to share it with the world.
I've always believe that a person's personal writing should be displayed on their personal sites. Less of a chance of plagiarism. But, failing that, there are always great public sites like fanfiction.net with open submission policies that specialize in this sort of thing.
Put another way: I'm flattered that you've considered my humble little corner of the web worthy of displaying your work. It's just that I don't consider my little corner of the web worthy. You'd be much better served by posting your stuff in a more public place, such as fanfiction.net or one of their affiliates. For one thing, you'd reach a broader audience. For another, you wouldn't be placing your work in my hands. I am mad, you know.
But if you every have a movie review that just begs to see the light of day...
My portrayal of Reagan is mistaken.
Marie Pool writes:
Next time you try to make up a website trying to bash someone, you better get your facts straight.
Actually, I'm trying to make a website to review movies, but that's just semantics.
Most of it is purely opinion and has no basis. I would advise you to use a spell check and a grammer check too.
Well, I don't have any Republican grammer checkers around...nope. I do have one "grammar" checker, but it has no party affiliation. I just do the best with what I have.
Remember,poor people don't spend as much money as rich people do.
Captain Obvious strikes again.
and I'm sure you know that when there is more money in circulation, the economy booms.
Actually, when there is more money in circulation the actual value of a dollar is lessened due to inflation. Inflation drives up prices and people must pay more for the same amount of goods. This in turn, means that people buy fewer goods and when that happens the economy slows down. This is know as a "recession." It's a word you heard a lot of during the Reagan-Bush years.
Besides, Reagan left the White House with the highest approval rating of any modern president as of 1997. If you refuse to believe this, go to http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/amex/residents/nf/featured/reagan/reaganle.html
Oh, I don't doubt that. Nor do I really give a crap one way or the other. I'm much more interested in who conducted that survey. And what about after 1997?
Plus, the use of profane language only makes you look like you're not smart enough to convey your message.
Well, fuck you very much for pointing that out.
Besides doing the things you are sure he didn't, Reagan also improved social equality by nominating the first woman to the Supreme Court.
Wow. A whole woman, too. What a strong step forward for women everywhere. And good ol' Sandra was a whole woman, too, not just a hermaphrodite like Janet Reno, right? And, boy, was Ms. O'Connor ever a woman. She was so much a woman that Reagan had to appoint all those men just to even things out.
If that isn't enough for you, contact me, and I'll tell all.
No, no, please, don't trouble yourself. I'm sure you have such a busy life that you hardly have time to spare for talking to idiots on the internet. I know I don't.
Them!
Harry Pearson writes:
I think your review of this movie misses the boat. Granted, the ants, by today's standards, just don't work. But the movie, told like a detective story, and always grounded in characterizations (including some excellent one-liners -- "held together by spit", eg.), but not psychoanalytic agonizing. It was way ahead of its time and most modern big bug movies derive from it.
These things are suppose to be simply matters of opinion, but I do believe that as a good writer, you ought to view movies in their historical context. Them was enormously influential. Ask anyone who saw it on original release and then look forward to the things other movies copied. And the plot, quite fast moving, doesn't skimp on characterization (in my not humble opinion) -- it's there if you want to see it (Fess Parker, the drunk in the hospital -- and on, all touches I know, but I, anyway, get a sense of there being real people behind the obviously professional demeanors...
I responded:
I've had this discussion before, though I'm not sure which direction it should go in this time. I will say that I try my best to point out when a movie is influential and (if possible) track down the instances where an influential movie has been ripped off (as I did in my Black Scorpion review). But I can't do this all the time and even if I did that would hardly be fair. You can complain all you want about a movie's lack of originality, but you shouldn't let that cloud your judgement. Especially not if the rip-off manages to put some sort of original spin on the thing it swipes. When reviewers do this you get something like what happened when everyone lambasted Independence Day.
Them, however, suffers from none of this. It truly is an original "giant bug" movie, and its success spawned the entire "giant bug" genre. I can and do recognize this. However, I'm not going to give the movie props for that. When it was originally reviewed as a piece of drive-in popcorn, nobody knew it would go on to be a genre setter. I do, but I can't let that get in the way of my judgement. I try to examine each movie as a singular entity because it helps me look at what works and what doesn't. Judging a movie by what inspired it, or by what it inspires means that you aren't looking at the movie in and of itself.
Now, even as I write this, I'm aware of several times when I've just written off a movie as being a "rip-off" and leaving it at that. I can only make a conscious effort to never do so again. Let's all cross our fingers.
Awards? We don't need no steenkin' awards
(This is in reference to your anniversary column, by the way. It's been up for almost a month, and you probably wrote it before that, so if I didn't explicitly reference it you might not have any idea what Im' talking about.)
Well, I don't have any awards for you (I don't do that thang), but I did give you a link, and I do laugh at the intended spots in your reviews, so I hope it's a reasonable substitution.
And I'll start sniping at Andrew at Badmovies.org until a Dancing Slime appears on your doorstep.
Nathan Shumate
http://www.coldfusionvideo.com
This is the part where I act all humble and say, "Well, now, that really isn't nesessary." But, in truth, it probably is. Though the award certainly isn't. No one should get into this for awards. You can't all be Jeff Zeldman. (And, gods, who would want to be? Have you checked this man's workload?) I like to think I really don't need any stinking awards...but how would I know? I've never won any. Maybe it's one of those, "Once you try it, you'll wonder how you ever lived without it" things.
On second thought...nah.
I've got to be kidding.
I read your review of 'Queen of outer space' , and the only thing I can say is, you are way to serious. Get a grip. Sure the 1950's had some negativity, but since the late 60's, are you going to try to say that our world is sooooo much better???? Sure this movie has sexism in it. So did the white house for the past 8 years. But I'm sure that someone like you, who is going to get worked up over a harmless, dumb space movie; which I can't believe Mystery Science Theater 3000 didn't lampoon, probably supported that perverted creep that was supposedly president. Our world sucks today since the liberals took it over! High crime rates. Women screaming for their rights, yet support a sexist pig like clinton. This movie may be dumb, that I will agree. But that's what makes it great in my book. And life WAS better then, in the 50's, than it is today.
Well, that clinches it. I had hope that the human race might just evolve into a higher form of being and then something like this comes along. Aii-yah. The Voluntary Human Extinction Movement has a new supporter today.
Two Years?
Just wanted to say, Congratulations on a second year of concise, honest, very funny movie reviews-- here's hoping for many more!
Thanks very much. It's you people that make it all worth it. I always sound like a politician when I write this, but it's the truth.
STUFF THIS IN YER PIPE AND SMOKE IT
A very misguided person wrote:
"YOU SAY THAT THE POOR PEOPLE HAD TO PAY 15% MORE? YOU MIGHT JUST WANT TO CHECK YOUR FACTS PAL. THE FACT IS THAT THE LOWEST 10% OF MONEY EARNERS HAD TO PAY ABOUT 3% MORE. YOU CAN CHECK IT ON THE MICROSOFT ENCARTA."
Actually, I can check it by reading the 1993 Congressional Budget Office Green Book (kind of a first hand source, ya know?) but whatever.
"YOUR STILL NOT SURE IF OUR COUNTRIES MORAL WENT UP? MY GOVERNMENT BOOK SHOWS THAT IN THE 80'S, IT ROSE ABOUT 18% BASED ON POLLS. BUT YOU PROBOBLY ALREADY KNEW THAT. BEING A TIGHT ASS LIBERAL, IM SURE ITS EASY TO CHOOSE THE FACTS THAT YOU WANT ON YOUR PAGE THAT MIGHT HELP YOUR ARGUMENT."
No, I honestly didn't know that fact. Not that I would care if I did. People are idiots, and easily distracted. Just look at the election we just suffered through. Did you know people actually think George W. Bush was elected president?
"NOW ILL ADMIT THAT YOU SOUND LIKE A SMART GUY."
Thank you.
"AND IM REALLY TO LAZY TO ARGU ANY MORE FACTS ( LIKE THE ONE ABOUT THE CONGRESSIONAL REPORT STATEING THAT THIER WAS NO EVIDENCE THAT SUGGESTED REAGON KNEW THE MONEY WAS GOING TO THE CONTRAS )"
Based upon press conference footage, voting records, and policy, there's very little evidence Ronald Reagon knew anything about anything.
"AND BELIEVE ME, I KNOW ALOT."
Enough to know that "alot" is actually 2 words (Christ, my spelling's terrible, but even I know that)?
"BUT DONT THINK YOUR THE ONLY PERSON IN AMERICA WITH A BRAIN."
I don't. There's at least two more that I know of, and six other potentials.
AND DONT YOU THINK THAT IF YOU WERE RIGHT, THEN WOULDNT REAGON NOT HAVE GOTTEN 525 ELECTORAL VOTES ON HIS SECOND TERM???"
Because the electoral college is an outdated sham of a system constructed by rich people in the 18th century because they thought common people were too stupid to vote?
But that's just one possible answer. There could also be the fact that the only thing the Democratic party could throw at him was a crash test dummy. I hate to see family go at it, don't you?
"OR MAYBE YOU LIKE OUR LAST PRESIDENT."
Love to have him in my band. Rock and fuckin' roll, man.
"YEAH HE WAS A WINNER."
Yeah, twice. Just like Reagan (or "Reagon" if you prefer that spelling). Plus he managed to pay down the national debt instead of just talking about it.
"SELLING US OUT TO THE CHINESE"
Oh yeah, we've got all those Evil Chinese businesses crowding onto American shores all the time, now.
"LIEING TO THE SUPREAM COURT"
Of course. What, are you surprised that a politician *lied*? Oh my God, he what? He lied? Really?
"MADE OUR ARMY WEEK"
You mean "weak" right? He sure as hell didn't turn our army into 7 days of the month. And Lord knows we need an army to protect us from those Evil Empires...like (*gasp*) *Cuba*.
"KILLED US WITH TAXES AND.....OH YEAH! GOT IMPEACHED!!"
Which just goes to show you, you can't get a blow job. Blow jobs: bad! Hand jobs...now *they* don't bring down presidents.
"YOU PEOPLE ARE LOSES!!"
Two terms, unprecedented economic growth, some kickass rock n' roll, and we're the losers?
IM SICK OF HEARING YOUR BACKWARDS IDEAS, YOUR TIGHT ASS BITCHING AND IM JUST TIARD OF TYPING TO A WORTHLESS PERSON."
I know just how you feel. I feel your pain, in fact.
"OH YEAH, AT PSYCHOLOGY.COM, YOU CAN FIND AN ARTICLE THAT SAYS 78% OF LIBERALS HAD A TRAMATIC CHILDHOOD, WHILE ONLY ONLY 38% OF REPUBLICANS DID."
Yeah. Republicans are the abusers, saving up all that deviant energy for when they become adults. Then they get to chase aids around their desk, drunk, with their flys open (Sen. John Tower), have special secretary's to give them blow jobs (Sen. Joe Montoya), try to force pages to have sex with them (Rep. Gerry Studds), or get caught in cars getting blown by a heroin-junkie hooker (Rep. Ken Cavert)
Well, we know where that 38% goes when they grow up, don't we?
p.s. The little finger on your right hand? You can move that, you know. You can move it towards the "Caps Lock" button and then you can type in lower case, too. Everybody's doing it.