Carnosaur 3.
Um... yeah. What can I say? and frankly, why would I want to say it? Well, the reason is
pretty simple actually, I'm helping out my friend here, and making a major sacrifice.
Actually, I'm trying to help all mankind. See, I had the horrible misfortune of not only
seeing this movie, but accidentally taping it. Needless to say, I keep the tape in a
radioaction shielded container, only to be opened whilst wearing my big yellow suit with
the giant bbq tongs. It's a shame really, as I have Godzilla receiving the MTV Life Time
Achievement Award on the tape too.
Okay, well, a brief synopsis (anything more than brief and I might not make it through this review). There's no mad scientists in this one. Basically, there's a government warehouse/installation where the workers are being mysteriously killed off. So they call in an elite military ops team headed by Scott Valentine (yes, that Scott Valentine, Nick, from "Family Ties". The only one on the show who was stupider than Mallory. I guess he hasn't given up that calling yet...)
So the place is sealed off, with just them inside. It turns out some of those dino's are still alive, and terrorizing the workers. So we obviously get the incredible thrill of seeing constipated actors in crappy (pun fully intended) rubber raptor suits, moving really slow, but with bad camera angles trying to make them look faster, killing army guys, getting killed by army guys, disarming military C2 bombs, you know, ordinary cheesy raptor on the loose type stuff.
Oh yeah, there's a tyrannosaurus who has laid an egg deep in the center of the compound. Somehow, she gets into the little tiny rooms and manages to snatch a military goon or two. Funniest thing? it's the "floating" Rexes. I call them that, because they have wires holding up their bodies, while their legs kinda just "go thru the motions", and it gets from point A to point B (they couldn't do us the favor of just getting to point Z, oh no... they just HAD to drag it all out).
Come to the ending, the only human survivors are Nick... um, er... Scott Valentine (have dumb will travel), and the female scientist chick who got in with the group. You know the drill: Dino's get killed, climactic fight with the Rex, facility gets blown up, hero (you call that a hero?!) gets the chick, Corman goes on to produce another movie.
If this movie was any worse, it'd be Carnosaur 3. Oh wait... it is Carnosaur 3. Sorry, a little speck of hope trickled in. Too bad it didn't trickle into the actual movie. Truth be told, Carnosaur started out a the bottom, and the series went downhill from there.
Corman is the master of bad, but even this is really, really bad. He's had a hit or two in his career, but with this movie, he should just get hit.
Are there negative ratings for this system? No? Shucks...Well, I'd have to give it 0 Gs, if that's the lowest we can go. Mind you, it's not because this film is so bad, it's because this film is so gosh darn horrible.
I can't even rate it high on the mockometer, as one would be inclined to not watch it long enough to make fun of it.
