# 8: The Obligatory 1st Anniversary column.
Wow. Believe me when I say I'm just as surprised as you. To tell the bible truth, I have absolutely no idea what to put in one of these things. There's the standard, "Well, it sure doesn't feel like a year has passed," line (bullshit, it doesn't), but I've tried my hardest not to feed you any cliched lines before, and I'm sure not gonna start now.
So I'm gonna tell you a story, instead. Gather round, children. After the story, you all get to have milk and cookies!
Let your mind wander back one and a half years. Mid 1998. Picture a Dr. Psy who's eighteen months younger and just as dumber, who can't write, or code, to save the universe. If Satan himself were to appear before this person and ask him to whip out a Web Page (www.hellskitchen.org, perhaps) or suffer an early apocalypse, that Dr. Psy would undoubtedly laugh in Satan's face, before wrenching out his very soul, offering it to the Dark One, and saying, "Why don't you just take it now and save yourself the time?"
However, after toiling away at work, that Dr. Psy soon discovered the beauty of the Internet on a library computer. What a glorious invention, he thought. I must make it my own.
And so it began.
With an Internet connection (and a positively sweet deal from his ISP), good Mr. Chosis began to explore the virtual world, using this vast resource to do what he had always dreamt of: watch the Godzilla movies he had yet to own.
And so, he found Barry's Temple of Godzilla and found it full of everything a Godzilla fan could ever hope to find. This mega-site (required reading for all G-fans, so says me) led him to the fine fellows of Stomp Tokyo, and The Bad Movie Report (required reading for all B-movie fans, so says me). These sites became my roll models. Each review cried out "Don't ya wanna grow up to be just like me?"
I have to admit, I did.
And so it truly began.
My computer at that time (and at this one, actually) was (is) a hand-me-down, which I stole from my family when (Broken) Windows '98 arrived on the scene. I guess all of you who don't like me have something else to blame Bill Gates for. That (this) computer arrived with a slightly used version of FrontPage, from which all my pages are crafted.
The thing I loved about FP then (and now, actually) is that it operated pretty much like the word processors I'd been working on since I slaved away with Windows 3.1. I just typed my little heart out and there went the words, scrolling merrily across the screen. Of course, this is before I learned about all the bulk code this damn thing spits out to make theses words so merry.
Never the less, one year ago, Dr. Psy began his reviewing as the door closed on 1998. In 1999 I typed my dusty old Mission Statement, stuck a hit counter on the damn thing, and uploaded it to Geocities. Thus came a blight upon the land.
Unfortunately (as you know) Geocities visited a blight on me in July, forcing me to uproot everything here to Acmecity. Unable to make one of those nifty, "This page has moved. Click here," pages, I had to personally send notices to everyone who had sent me mail over those first 7 months (thank the Gods I'm such a pack rat), hoping against hope that those few would spread the word.
Thankfully it worked. The original site is still operational, as far as I know. And still getting hits, actually. They've decreased dramatically over the months, and I'm glad for that. Damn glad. That site was poorly designed anyway. I mean, just look at the damn thing. Can you say, "rip-off"?
And I was a rip-off. However, over the months, I've found that I have a voice. And, by God, I like using that voice. Hell, I love it. And I'm not gonna stop any time soon.
So hold on to your bootstraps. If you think you've descended as far down as this pit goes you better think again. A-ha, a-ha, AH-HA, HA-- wait. Zoom in close on my face when I do that, okay? Okay:
So hold on to your bootstraps. If you think you've descended as far down as this pit goes you better think again. A-ha, a-ha, AH-HA, AH--HAHAHAHAHA *cough**cough*. ha.
--1:26:0:0