Election 2000
Part 1: In which the author lays out the dilemma
As I sit here, watching the presidential debates I'm struck with a question. One that,
I'm sure, You are struck with as well in these dark, dark times:
"Should I actually vote on November 7, or just stay home and watch Bulworth?"
***
There was this music video I seen, one time. It was a Rage Against the Machine video,
directed by that great social protest filmmaker of our time, Michael More (a match made in
heaven, let me tell ya).
The video begins with some stock footage from a 1950s Japanese superhero flick, Invasion
of the Neptune Men (think Prince of Space without
a brain). The Alien Invaders (who look like Ruddy the Robot clones) muddle about their
spaceship, chattering in their own language, and preparing for their dastardly conquest.
The leader speaks:
"The Time has come! Release the mutant!"
Cut to: Ex. Spaceship, Bad Day-for-Night shot: A globular ball of . . . something
shoots from the ship's hull. It lands in a gelatinous mass, writhing and boiling, slowly
assuming a humanoid shape. The Shape splits further into two, almost identical organisms.
One is George Dubya Bush. The Other is Al Gore.
***
I just couldn't stop laughing. That's what Michael More does, that's his genius: he can
make you laugh your ass off at the utter stupidity of the modern world.
Of course they're identical. This is the end result of the Clintonization American
politics has gone through. When President Bill moved closer to the right, stealing
Republican programs and, more importantly, getting them to work, he created a Centrist
movement all by his lonesome, and his closest despises followed him to the center.
G. Dubbya B. is the Republican response to that. If Democrats are going to steal
Republican programs (open trade, big business back slapping) then why shouldn't
Republican's steal traditionally Democrat issues (unions, education, big business back
slapping)? Share and share alike, right?
Right.
***
Ladies and gentlemen, we are facing a Crisis. These are truly the times that try men's
souls.
I don't think anyone in the audience (how old are most of you guys? Twenties and 30s,
right? A few teens? Well, except for Dr. Freex there in the back) has all that much
faith in the American system of government. Come on, people, this "great nation"
of ours is ruled by dollars and bribes. Talking puppets spit out the things their
bankrolls stuff in their mouths. No one cares about "ideals" or
"issues" or "making American great again". Nobody gives a shit. You
want your issue on the floor, you pay the piper. You want your issue passed into law, you
pay all the pipers. You want your issue held up in court, you buy the judge a hooker.
I'm sorry, but I gots ta calls 'um as I sees 'um. And what I see fucking sucks. Look at
this election! Just look at it! What choice do we have? We have a stiff as a board
asshole, who wants to censor my entertainment and your,
that's your!
entertainment because Soccer Moms blame everyone but themselves when Junior picks up a
gun and blows his classmates away. He's also a two-face idiot, like everyone else in
Washington. He's proclaimed himself to be a supporter of environment . . . that is, until
he needs the Oil Man's vote. Al Gore talks a big game, but he won't do shit if it stops
the cash flow from coming in.
Then we have G. Dubya. Well, so much for the secret government cloning project.
If Regan and Bush the 1st had a bastard child, this is what the little prick would be. Look
at him! He's a puppet! He clone! He's a gigantic IDIOT! He wants to open oil fields in
wild life reserves! He wants to give teachers guns! He wants to give people permits
to carry concealed weapons so anybody and shoot anybody, anytime, anywhere! He
want's to censor your
that's your!
entertainment, so that every movie will reflect the pissy assed, Disney-fied, Brady
Bunch version of reality the Republican party and the Christian Right that pulls its
strings wants American to be.
I hate him! I hate both of them! I wanna kill them! I wish they would die! And go to
Hell!. And Satan! I wish Satan would take his pitchfork and shove it righ up their stupid
asses!
You're goddamn right I'm mad! I'm very mad! And I'm not gonna take this shit anymore.
And I'm not gonna take YOU and your apathy at anything having to do with
this race! Don't you realize that what we decide now will effect the rest of this century?
Do you want the 80s in the 21s century? Do you want Regan again? Do you want a national
debt the size of a skyscraper? Do you want military spending to balloon until we have
soldiers on every street corner, and thought police in our heads? Do you want chocolate
pudding the sky? Do you want the 80s in the 21st century? Well then, go ahead,
motherfucker! Vote George Dubbya Bush for president! And when he sends troops into
Columbia, fighting the War On Drugs For Our Children, don't come bitchin' to me!
Oh, but you don't want the 90s. Oh-no! Who wants 8 years of economic growth?
*gasp* Wo wants an American that's free of huge foreign enemies to demonize? Nobody wants that!
My God, are you crazy?
But if you want that, vote Bill Clinton.
Oh, shit, he can't run. Damn 20th Amendment. You know who Gore should have picked as
his running mate? Bill. Hell, I'd voted for that. And you would, too.
Oh, come on, admit it! You don't care what Bill did with his dick (or Willard, as he
calls it). In fact, the entire story shocked and horrified you.
But we can't vote for Bill. We were going to vote for Bradley, but Gore managed to
press more flesh. Besides, Bradley Who?
And so we get Gore. And what the hell kind of short change is that? I mean, what is
Gore? He's a robot. A synth. Oh, I'm sorry, an "artificial person." Sorry. But
we can see that Bill Clinton wrote his programming matrix. It's as obvious as the fact
that George the 1st is using his son as a stand in.
So, what the hell is a fella ta do?
Good question. Hang on a second.
Okay
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