Godzilla: 2000 marks the 2nd time I've
partaken in the Godzilla Theater Experience (I saw Godzilla: 1985 in a drive-in,
but swatting bugs hardly qualifies as a theater experience). As I've said many times to my
friends at Centropolis, nothing is better then seeing a daikaiju
movie in SURROUND SOUND! Regardless of the movie's quality, this is one movie ticket
that's going in my wallet. Right next to the ticket from my last Godzilla Theater
Experience, two years ago.
And, yes, thank you, I did like Godzilla (1998). I'm not scared to admit it. But that has nothing to do with this review.
Okay, maybe a little. After all, if it weren't for G98 (as it has become affectionately know), G: 2000 would probably not even exist, and it certainly wouldn't be getting the red carpet treatment it's getting from fans now. Especially not with the monstrosity that's been released into American theaters.
Yes, after the waiting and the hype and the built up expectations, the theatrical release of G2k falls right smack on it's face, thanks in no small part to a rushed script and one of the worst dubbing jobs it has ever been my displeasure to sit through.
You bet your ass, I'm mad. I hate it when a movie teases me with greatness. And it does tease. It teases like a high school cheerleader. Teases you with the greatness that it almost is and it probably already was in its home country. But, like Godzilla: 1985 before it, the movie got pissed on by its American distributors. All because of the fact that it's titular character is a guy in a rubber suit.
Wait. You're probably getting the wrong impression. The movie isn't all-bad. Little pieces of what it once was shine through, occasionally. Though, from the pieces, I can see that the movie wasn't exactly King Kong vs. Godzilla. But it doesn't have to be. It would have been better, had the movie tried to carve out it's own niche in the G-universe.
Screenwriter's Hiroshi Kashiwabara & Wataru Mimura seem to be going for that. Right off the bat they wipe out all the previous Godzilla continuity, and start us off anew. In this move's parallel dimension, Godzilla is a constant threat, so nobody's all that surprised when he shows up. Keeping that surprise to a minimum is the Godzilla Prediction Network, a research team (seemingly made up of 3 people) that monitor the big lizard and tries to predict where he'll land. Like from Twister.
In Bill Paxton's role is the scruffy looking Yuji, leader of the GPN. Yuji is a bit out of favor with his colleagues, and the government, considering he wants to study Godzilla before the monster is blown to bits. Noble. A little stupid (considering how close he gets to the monster), but noble.
On the other end of the spectrum, is Katagiri (Hiroshi Abe), one of those old colleagues. Katagiri not only wants to kill Godzilla, he seems to have adopted a Vietnam era policy on the subject: he'll kill Godzilla by any means necessary. Sanctity of human life? What sanctity of human life? The script makes him so idiotically evil, that he only needs twirlable mustachios to complete his image.
Oh, and there's also the reporter, Yuki, who spends the whole flick trying to get a picture of Godzilla. She's a girl. Okay, next topic.
Things are going just fine (Godzilla's smashing things) when a huge UFO rises from the sea floor and begins causing havoc. Apparently powered by photosynthesis, the ship not only deals the G-man some serious punishment, it also settles itself on top of Yuki's newspaper building and grows it's own monster from Godzilla's cells (like we've never seen that before).
The monster, Orga morphs to life in a great little CGI montage (tease of greatness) . . . only to come out looking like a juvenile Alien Queen. *sigh*.
That's one thing that can't be lain at the feet of bad dubbing. The script lacked originality even before Tristar got their claws on it. Key scenes are lifted from, of all things, Independence Day. The writers, and director Takao Okawara, look like their trying to beat Centropolis at its own game of "paying homage" to so many movies that your end picture becomes original. Sorry, guys, but we're America. We make our livelihood by stealing.
Special effects are hit and miss throughout. Toho seems to be learning from Gamera's recent adventures, though. Gone are the firecracker missiles and futuristic looking laser tanks. In their place are CGI missiles (with CGI smoke trails) and realistic looking model tanks. Godzilla's ray (volcanic yellow-white) boils from his throat like the dragon breath it's supposed to be. And director Okawara gives us some of the most beautiful shots in daikaiju history. At times, Godzilla looks like a real animal, being shot from a helicopter.
G's re-designed suit looks like a cross between his old, reptilian form from the early 60s, and his new reptilian form in that other movie. It's impressive, at least. The neck looks especially versatile, while reduced bulk makes for more physical fighting. Those dorsals are out of control (and give me Space Godzilla flashbacks), though. Way too crystalline to be organic. But nothing's all good. Not here.
Here's the Dark Side. Orga, ungainly alien-lookalike that he may be, is hardly a challenge for Godzilla. And Orga isn't given enough screen time to be the villain he needs to be, so as to make Godzilla hero by default (G's best role). Plus, he makes the mistake of trying to swallow Godzilla head first, something that would win anyone a Darwin award.
Then there's the UFO, which is so badly integrated into the flick that my date couldn't help by laugh. I couldn't help but join her. To say nothing of the fact that the UFO is nowhere near as menacing as the ships it blatantly imitates. And why doesn't this thing cause, oh, I don't know, gale force winds when it flies?
Godzilla's face is not nearly as expressive as it once was, or Gamera's currently is. At least the Mock Turtle can blink his eyes. Come on, guys, what's the problem? This is a giant step backward from the Heisei series.
Humans here are a conglomerate of
stereotypes, and, like so many humans in these movies, what little stories they have fall
by the wayside, so we can get to the Kaiju Big Battle. Not that we care, right? As long as
Godzilla looks like a guy in a rubber suit, right?
It just makes me so sad, though. I wait all this time, and I should have waited for video. The script is weak (thanks to Toho's own rushed production schedule), and made even weaker by the dubbing (thanks to Tristar's). Oh, my Gods, the dubbing. Not even G85 got the stick this bad. But, with lines like, "Why does Godzilla always protect us," (said by Yuki as she watches Godzilla rampage through Tokyo, destroying everything he sees) "There's a little Godzilla in all of us" . . . well, that kind of says it all, doesn't it?
