REVIEW DATE:11:14:9:9
Gamera, more so then Godzilla, I think, has become synonymous with everything that is wrong about giant monster movies. (Specifically the daikaiju sub-genre of Japanese movies, but I really shouldn't use fan speak in mixed company.) Where as Godzilla and his movies are considered (for the most part) strong statements about the horrors of nuclear war, Gamera is widely thought of as a joke.
Story time, kids. You already know the How I Met Godzilla story (if not, see also: Godzilla) so here's the How I Met Gamera story: I first met the terrible terrapin when I was ten. I thought he was dumb then, and, by God, I think he's dumb now. However, I first encountered one of his later works (Gamera vs. Zigra if memory serves), so that probably taints my opinion of Gamera somewhat.
Had I made Gamera the Invincible my first Gamera experience, I might actually have grown to like Gamera. And I'd be very ashamed him for his later adventures. He had so much potential. Oh well, mustn't dwell on that. Must live in the now.
And it is in that now (well, the now of 1965, anyway) that a Russian plane is shot down over the Arctic. The plane was apparently carrying a payload of atomic Whoop Ass, and said payload promptly explodes upon impact with the Arctic wasteland. Looks like someone should have used FedEx.
Observing the explosion is Dr. Hidaka (Eiji Funakoshi), his daughter, Katherine (yeah, right) and your standard news hound, Alex. Why do all these Japanese monster movies have to have a news hound? Oh well. Anyway, they see the explosion, but somehow miss the giant bipedal turtle that crawls out of the blast zone. This, a helpful old Eskimo dude tells them, is Gamera, the legendary "devil's envoy".
While he relays that, Gamera is busy destroying Hidaka's ship with everyone aboard. Guess they weren't kidding about that devil's envoy thing. In this scene, we also discover that Gamera can spit fire by virtue of the nozzle in his mouth. It must be the 60s.
Anyway, Hidaka makes it back to civilization and tells everyone not to worry. You see, in this movie, people are smart enough to expect Gamera to drop dead from radiation poisoning. Needless to say, everyone is surprised as hell when Gamera shows up in Japan (of course) and starts smashin' thangs. Will humanity survive?
Boy we're all really gonna have to strain our brains for the answer to that one, huh?
For monster on the loose movies, Gamera (or Gammera, depending on which version of the movie you're watching) really does stand out. There's a kind of dichotomy here. This movie's plot is both really intelligent (name another monster movie that even mentions radiation poisoning) and really dumb (we're suppose to believe that Gamera evolved naturally?).
Plot wise, the obvious complaints come into play. Gamera, natural? Yeah, right, sure. Below I waste an entire paragraph on the character Kenny, so you'll find out about him soon enough. On the up tick, though, most of the characters get to have character to them. News hound Alex (whose type of character is usually wasted in these movies) is instrumental in Gamera's defeat, for example. Plus he worships Katherine, though no relationship develops. To
busy with the monster action, I guess. Not that I'm complaining.
Also, we are treated to Kenny, a little boy who is obsessed with turtles. Since Gamera accidentally saves his life upon their first meeting, he believes Gamera to be a friend to children everywhere. He runs around the movie (seeming to be everywhere at once) trying to talk to Gamera, save Gamera, or otherwise get in the way of common sense. I hate stupid characters, and Kenny here is one of the worst. I mean, how can he see Gamera trample Tokyo and still insist that Gamera is a friend to children everywhere? His saving grace comes with a scene where Kenny is ridiculed by a crowd of onlookers about his beliefs and, by God, he deserves it.
The dubbing sucks, of course. In one scene, Dr. Hidaka's voice changes in mid sentence. Plus, Kenny is given the disgustingly high pitched voice with which dubbed Japanese boys seam to be cursed. The voice actors can't seam to throw any emotional weight into their characters. Now I'm complaining.
Gamera's suit looks like . . . well, a suit. I've used the term "ungainly rubber monster" before, and by God, Gamera could be its poster child. Obviously, the suit makers were looking to mimic the look of a turtle, but then they had to go and make him a bipedal turtle. As a result, Gamera walks with a ponderous giant that looks just plain silly. I can picture it now: "Run for your lives! Oh, wait, it's Gamera. You can walk, don't worry." And what the hell is up with that nozzle in his mouth? Could we get a little more obvious, please?
At the end of the movie, I found myself wondering what a modern remake of Gamera would be like. I don't mean 1995's Gamera: Guardian of the Universe, but a true to the original remake, with Gamera as the villain. Hmm . . . better get Jan De Bont or Roland Emmerich on that one.
Gs (out of a possible five)
THE BEST GODZILLA RIP-OFF YOU CAN FIND.
MOCK O' METER
"Oh, my God, they killed Kenny," never fails.
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