A large meteor

Then the fun begins

As far as director Shusuke Kaneko is concerned, "Gamera 2 focuses on the war aspect of giant monsters”…which is true. The overriding focus of the film is on the “kaiju big battle,” with nary a moment spared for the idiotic, soul searching “character moments” that clutter these types of movies. This is a textbook case of good monster moviemaking, some of the best you’ll find on either side of the pond. And you can quote me on that.

Not that you will, but…whatever. The point is, against all odds, Kaneko and co. have taken the silliest big* budget monster in Japan’s vast Pop Culture and put him into a serious film.

[*“Big” meaning a very different thing in Japan, given current exchange rates. Your mileage may vary.]

How? I’ll tell you how. Right after I tell you this:

As I mentioned in the haiku, a large meteor falls to Earth. In fact, a swarm of them converge on Hokkaido, Japan’s northern-most island. One lands almost directly on top of Science Center Teacher/Technician/All-Around Girl Honami Midori (Miki Mizuno) and her field trip of kids. Military personnel arrive the next day only to find the meteor gone, without so much as a note tapped to the pillow. The military, commanded by Colonel Watarase (Toshiyuki Nagashima) scratch their heads in dismay.

Then things get weird. (Big news there, huh?) Fiber optic cables vanish, spoo-ooky lights mar the sky, and 10,000 cases of perfectly good beer are senselessly destroyed. The beings responsible for this alcohol abuse make their presence known by attacking a Sapporo subway train. Soon, a giant alien flower sprouts in the city…and begins to go to seed.

You don’t have to be Stephen Hawking to figure an alien invasion is underway, the plants and insects forming a world-conquering symbiosis. Who could possibly save us? Well, who else?

Soon, Gamera comes flying in, destroying the Space Flower with his usual skillz…only to be overwhelmed by the swarm of man-sized insects. One character, remembering his Bible Study classes, christens the swarm Legion, and there you are. Gamera retreats to nurse his wounds just as Mama Legion emerges, instinctively flying south, towards Tokyo.

With the clock a’ticking and the Mama Legion growing, it’s up to Gamera, Watarase, and Honami (along various hangers-on) to defeat this alien mega-fauna before it overruns the Earth. So settle in for ninety minutes of city-smashing action.

Well, look at that. They did it again. It’s as if they actually put some serious thought into this whole “giant fire-breathing turtle” thing and decided to treat it with (god help us) respect. Imagine. Except, you don’t really need to anymore. The entire Gamera Trilogy is now available in the US, with all the crappy dubbing that this entails. Thank you, ADV, you anime loving bastards.

No, really, I mean it. I’ve waited a long time for this, passively gritting my teeth as fan after fan rejoiced at Gamera 2 and its (apparently) superior sequel. Eight years and two thousand miles later its mine, mine I tell you, mine, mahwu-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Personal joygasm aside, there’s still much to enjoy about this movie, so let’s start with the obvious.

Gamera retains his fully functional believability from the last film, a quality enhanced by some well-deployed CGI and stand-out miniature city design. But more importantly, Gamera 2 continues the trend of painting the Terrible Terrapin with just enough gray to make him both a hero and a total bad ass.

Gamera’s status in the Greater Scheme of Things (i.e., who’s side he’s really on) is further explored, with the filmmakers consciously and constantly pushing this ever-narrowing genre’s envelope. Never before has a giant monster anti-hero undergone such a vicious thrashing…and certainly not for anything as lofty as “defending humanity.” Here, finally, we have a creature we can root for because (regardless of whatever the JDSF thinks) when giant monsters come stompin’, Gamera is our First, Last and Only Line of Defense.

All of which leads to Gamera 2’s singular, Revolutionary Idea: For the first time in giant monster movie history, the military actually breaks down and aides Our Hero in his quest to rid the world of giant bugs with attitude problems. The very idea, and its brilliant eleventh hour execution, is as refreshing as a cold milkshake to the face, not to mention it further elevates the human elements of this story above the usual level of Exposition Delivery Systems.

The Legion is even more refreshing, providing Gamera with an adversary that is both interesting and threatening. Better still, Legion is a challenge for Gamera, marring Our Hero with many a bloody wound before the final blow is struck. Forget the static, breath-weapon battles of the Heisei Godzilla-flicks. This is a no-holds-barred grudge match between two creatures bent on wiping each other out by any means necessary. Its as kinetic and visceral as you’re likely to find this side of anime.

But wait, there’s more. Like the fact that Gamera 2 is made all the better by its brisk, even pacing. Director Kaneko seems to know exactly what we monster-lovers crave and what we abhor with passion. Don’t expect any convoluted Personal Interest sub-plots to crop up amongst our human characters. Nothing kills a kaiju movie’s pace faster than an unnecessary side story. What Honami and Watarase do on their days off is irrelevant to the proceedings. Why should we care with all these giant insects running around?

Not that the humans are unimportant… far from it. Their scientific inquiries and expositionary dialogue showcase the depth of thought screenwriter Kazunori Ito put into the Legion, it’s biology, and the overall arc of the film. Rather than farting around with their petty, personal problems, Gamera 2’s human cast becomes intimately involved with the warring mega fauna. Without them, Gamera will fail and without Gamera the human race becomes so much intergalactic bug food.

Of course this means some sacrifices have to be made…particularly in the area of character development. But so what? Instead of halting every ten minutes to ensure everyone has a proper Arc, Gamera 2 rolls right over you with a steady, drumming pace that’s head and shoulders above any movie released in the last year (or the last eight, for that matter).

Put simply, it’s a rip-roaring good time that doesn’t disappoint. It’s an affirmation that, yes, giant monster movies can rock. It might just be the best giant monster movie to come out of the last decade. The jury’s still out on that. Waiting until I can find Gamera 3