Rejoice,
people. I know I am. We here at AYTIWS central have entered the modern age. This weekend,
I walked into Circuit City and walked out with a Sony DVD player (along with copies of Clerks, Fight Club and What Lies
Beneath). Two hours and one headache later I got the damn thing hooked up and
officially entered the digital age.
Upon hearing of this, my Uncle Craig rejoiced as well, and immediately lent me a copy of Jerry (Armageddon) Bruckheimer's Gone in 60 Seconds.
I forgive my Uncle. He knows not what he does.
But, while 1974's Gone in 60 Seconds was Evil Personified, 2000's Gone in 60 Seconds is just run-of-the-mill action movie trash. Another bang, bang, shoot, shoot, car chase movie made by people delusional enough to consider this kind of flick High Art.
Of course, Jerry Bruckheimer seems to think thinks he's already King Midas. After all, he's the one who gets the full-length interview tacked on to the Extras menu. It's amazing how arrogant a producer can sound when he's trying to sell his movie. These little featuretts are great for showcasing stuff like that.
So, while '74's Gone was incomprehensible kindling, '00's Gone actually tries for a plot. Nick (The Man Who Would Be Superman) Cage plays "Memphis" Rains, retired car thief for the general Los Angeles area. One day, during the daily Go-Cart race, Memphis meets a drone for big time English (though, everyone says he's Italian) mobster, Raymond Calitri (Christopher Eccleston). Calitri contracted Memphis's little brother, Kip (Giovanni Ribisi), now LA's top car thief, to steal fifty cars for him. Kip, loudly displaying his car thieving skills, brought the wrath of John Law down upon himself. Kip escaped the cops, but only to land in the clutches of Evil Ray.
Memphis, once a legend from Long Beach to 'Frisco, has three days to steal all fifty cars on Evil Ray's shopping list. Otherwise, both Rainses will get bullets in the head. Nice guy, this Raymond. I'd invite him over for haggis anytime.
Faced with the seemingly impossible task of jacking 50 cars, Memphis searches out his old wreaking crew, gets picked on by a gang of boyz from the hood (a subplot that never goes anywhere) and meets his own, personal Inspector Javert in the form of Detective Delroy Lindo.
All of this fun, fun, fun culminates in (guess what?) a climactic car chase, ladies and gentlemen. Featuring Eleanor, a magic '67 Shelby Mustang, which can instantly transport itself from a parking garage in Long Beach to the middle of downtown LA. I've got to get me one of those.
I'm not a big fan of this type of flick unless it's done really, really well. The original Gone proved that a car chase movie with nothing but a car chase is no movie at all. This Gone proves that a car chase movie with short car chase and underwritten characters can reasonably entertain for about two hours. Just don't think too hard while you watch.
Nick Cage is fun and all (especially when he flips out), and he turns in a good performance. He punches the clock, collects his paycheck and goes away. Sometimes he goes away during a scene, but I won't hold it against him. It's not like the movie's that interesting.
The rest of the cast is pretty split down the middle, talent wise. Memphis's original band of thieves features actual actors, including Robert Duvall (paying his rent), Vinnie Jones (as the enigmatic Sphinx) and Boston Public's Chi McBride. Kip's little band is a motley crew of stereotypes: punks, idiots, and one Token Black Dude (who, as George Carlin would say, is "openly black").
Angelina Jolie, the Obligatory Love Interest, is a bit of a conundrum. I would've graded her performance, but I was too busy staring at those most-excellent lips of hers. Great God, Almighty. However, I did happen to notice that, next to Cage, she looks like a seventeen-year-old. Now, next to me, she'd look just perfect...
Ah, hell, it's not like she has an actual part to play in this. She steals a few cars, plays tonsil hockey and stands around looking worried. What a stretch.
Gone is another movie with no major flaws to point out, but absolutely nothing that blows me away. It's disposable action trash, the kind of movie that would hang out in a bar with End of Days and just about every other movie De Ah-nold has done. The characters are underwritten, but relatively well acted. The set ups are lame, but then a flashy action sequence comes along to wake you up. Dominic Sena's directing keeps things movie pretty well, even if all the character scenes look trimmed.
When you rent this movie, you'll enter a magical, mystical world that lives only on the Action Network. A place between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his imagination. Er...well...no, not really. This is just a place with bright, flashy lights for the twelve-year-old boy inside us all to stare at.
At least this'll shut the little bastard up for awhile.
