Sure, the original Invisible Man wasn't much, but, Christ in a chicken basket, at least it wasn't this.
The Claude Rains Invisible
Man is another in a long list of classics Universal Pictures dumbed down to appeal to
the lowest common denominator. Paul Verhoeven's Hollow Man was dumb from the start,
it didn't need the studio's help. From frame one it's pretty obvious just what Hollow
Man is: a blatant excuse to show how damn cool an invisible man can be when you use
modern special effects. But once you have an invisible man the question remains: what the
hell do you do with him?
There's that annoying plot thing again.
Sebastian Caine (Kevin Bacon) is a brilliant scientist. (Yes, we're supposed to except Kevin Bacon as a brilliant scientist. May I continue?) When he's not trying to catch a glimpse of his hot neighbor, Sebastian is laboring on a government-funded invisibility project. As the movie opens, Sebastian crosses the last big hurtle: how to make an invisible subject visible again. And with this, he shall rule the wor--
Wait, wait. I'm getting ahead of myself. With this, he and the rest of his team go and celebrate. There we find that Sebastian and team member Linda McKay (Elizabeth Shue) have a little history together. A history Sebastian dearly wishes to repeat. But the lovely Elizabeth has other ideas. Unbenounced to Sebastian, she's shagging with team member Matt (Josh Brolin). All of this soap opera will factor into the plot eventually. Hell, you'll even be able to figure out how. The movie will be kind enough to telegraph this (and many other plot developments) right into your brain. Oh the miracles of science...
So the Intrepid Scientists make a breakthrough. Do they tell the military men in charge? Hell no. Sebastian has other plans. To wit: he wants to be the world's first invisible man. Which is great and all. Who wouldn't? But shouldn't there be, say, rigorous psychological screening processes involved to prevent megalomaniacal assholes from becoming the world's first invisible man?
Ah, but if there were, there would be no story here. So Sebastian turns invisible. Everything's fine, at first. Even a little fun. But when the reversion procedure nearly kills him, Sebastian is forced to stay invisible for days...and weeks...and he...
Well, I'm sure you can see where this is going. The only place it can go, really. Every since H.G. Wells "Invisibility drives people insane," has been one of sci-fi's premiere laws. If they aren't insane to begin with, being see-through sure takes care of that right fast. And Sebastian Caine is many things, but "stable" is not one of them. That's the whole point of the movie: power in the wrong hands can be a really bad thing. Early on the movie establishes Sebastian as a flamboyant, arrogant, cocky, don't-you-just-want-to-punch-him bastard. Being invisible only underlines these pieces of his personality.
All of which is a very, very good thing. We like things like that in our movies, it's called "consistency." If Sebastian had started out the flick as nice, charming, aw-shucks kinda guy and then gone psycho I would've been extremely pissed off. Absolute power doesn't corrupt unless the worms are already eating into your brain.
No, the fact that invisibility turns Sebastian into a raving loony is fine and dandy like sour candy. What I object to is what happens after he turns into a raving loony. So you have an invisible man, right? What do you do with him? Over the years I have never seen a more contrived answer than the one this movie presents.
I'm going to give most of the ending away, but fuck it. So Sebastian has come to terms with himself as the Invisible Man and has used his powers for Evil, once to do unsavory (and off screen) things to his neighbor (the hot babe), once to spy on Linda and Matt making the Beast With Two Backs, and again to murder the army CO in charge of the project after Linda and Matt spill the beans. Figuring the only way to be an Invisible Man in a visible world is to kill everyone who knows his dirty little secret, Sebastian traps his research team in the project's underground bunker.
With five people trapped in a secluded area, Sebastian proceeds to knock them off one by one in various unsavory ways. During this sequence, the group of supposedly intelligent scientists separates five times, tries various means to kill the killer, and generally become blithering idiots. In other words, for the last thirty minutes, Hollow Man morphs into the most expensive slasher movie in history. Snore.
Which is not to say Hollow Man is all bad. Far from it. In fact, up until the aforementioned last thirty minutes, I was rather enjoying myself. It's that enjoyment which really makes the aforementioned last thirty minutes sting.
For starters, Kevin Bacon is the consummate cocky bastard. Is charismatic cocky bastard too strong a term? If so, who cares? Fact is: I almost got to like Sebastian Caine. He seemed like an okay guy as cocky bastards go. Elizabeth Shue is certainly easy on the eyes. Her character isn't what I'd call deep...but just look at her.
Actually, that's no excuse. But here's one: her characters (along with the rest of Sebastian's research team) are all grossly underwritten. It's obvious where writers Andrew Marlowe and Gary Scott Thompson sent their creative energy. Bet you didn't know they had creative energy, did you? Well, like Kevin Bacon, you can't see it, but it's there. Somewhere.
Not
surprisingly, the best thing about this movie is its visuals. This is directed by Paul
Verhoeven, after all. Sue me to the poor house but I've always liked Paul's work, to one
degree or another. Robocop is an old personal favorite. Total Recall was
brainless sci-fi fun. And, hell, even Showgirls had boobies. Lots of boobies. With
that kind of resume, Paul has made a bit of a name for himself. Want someone to show off
visceral things that will send your average director running for the hills? Hire David
Cornnenberg. Don't have the money for Dave? Then Paul Verhoeven is your man.
Paul proves his mettle here, no doubt about that. His best moments come during the shifting scenes. Paul's camera lets us see every aspect of the shift in prime detail, even when Kevin Bacon's skin disappears, letting his internal organs hang out for all the world to see. These scenes are great orgies of special effects, though they have nothing on the rest of the movie.
Because, let's be honest with ourselves: these are the best Invisible Man effects to date. They're great stuff. They can't carry the picture (perish the thought), but they are great stuff.
Still, Tall Paul can't pull this movie out of the whole. It just doesn't have that spark...that certain something...what's that called? Oh, I remember. It's called originality. Man, where is my head, eh? Yes, that originality thing. It's almost as annoying as that plot thing, in that people keep demanding it in their movies. If we'd just shut up about it, Hollywood could keep turning out its cookie-cutter retreads in piece.
Hollow Man is this close to being good. Hell, as it stands, the movie's almost decent. Great special effects and a decent cast. But instead of trying something new, Hollow Man spirals downward and becomes a slasher movie. If only someone could take the invisible man genre in a new direction. But how? I mean, you have an invisible man. Just what the hell do you do with him?
:::
An Anecdote
So I call my mother. You know, just to catch up on things. The conversation inevitably
turns to movies and she asks me if I've seen any good ones
lately. I, of course, tell the truth and say, "No."
My Mother: "So, just what have you been watching?
Me: Well, there's was this thing called Hollow Man...
Mom (brightly): Oh! T.S. Elliot?
Me: No, mom, not "hollow men, Hollow Man.
Mom: Oh. Not T.S. Elliot?
Me: No, mom. Kevin Bacon.
(Pause.)
Mom: Oh.
Gs (out of a possible five)
