And so, as October rolls around
and my drug-induced haze wears off, I found myself watching Turner Classic Movies at three
o'clock in the morning. Now, usually, when I go looking for late night viewing, I
segregate myself to the Sci-fi channel, Comedy Central and, of course, Skin--, er, Ciniemax.
I don't know what the hell I was thinking. I mean, Turner Classic Movies? At best I maybe watch AMC. At least they realize that King Kong isn't the only giant monster movie in the cosmos. But Ted Turner? Nah. Imagine my surprise when I found this little gem. I guess it shows you where a few prescription painkillers can take you.*
Turning his attention to earthy concerns, Johnny drives Joan up to farmer Larken's cow pasture for some serious Tongue Tennis. Now, were this movie made today, the teen couple would thusly disrobe (though the process would be swifter, as they'd be wearing fewer articles of clothing to begin with) and romp naked through the forest. But, no, it's 1957, so what does Johnny do?
Why, he proposes marriage, of course.
Now, this is probably the one place in the movie where I wasn't supposed to laugh, but . . . holly crap, dude, he proposes marriage! In a cow pasture! What the hell is that?
Yeah, yeah, I know. The 50s.
And, being the 50s, the Alien Threat is real. This time, little "green" men about the size of five year-olds are invading Earth. They come with your standard bug-eyes and distended brain, but they also have the ability to kill people with pure alcohol, injected intravenously from the creature's fingertips.
Johnny and Joan hit one with their car. A '56 Ford Fairlain, I believe.
Understandably distressed by the body they find under the tires, the couple run to farmer Larken's house and phone the cops . . . who, being cops, roll their eyes and hang up.
Meanwhile, the rest of the Alien Invasion Force (number about 5 or 6) is busy. Killing a drifter, and doing some damage to Johnny's car, the aliens manage to frame him for vehicular manslaughter.
Fortunately, Joan's dad is the district attorney. Unfortunately, the police case seems rock solid (right . . ) Determined to clear their names, Johnny and Joan steal a car and set off to confront the Alien Menace.
Like its more serious brethren, Invasion suffers from all the trademarks of 1950s screenwriting. There's blatant sexism, plastic Martian costumes, strange vernacular, and general stupidity on the part of everyone over the age of 20 (speaking metaphorically, considering everyone in the cast is over the age of 20). My favorite scene comes when the military finally locates the Saucer Men's ship. Do the aliens refuse to come out with their hands up? Well, Corporal, just fire a few rounds at their ship! That'll fix 'um, the dirty commies ---er, aliens!
Unlike its brethren, this movie at least has the good sense to realize how stupid its premise really is and not treat it with complete, dead seriousness. Several wry and not-so-wry comments are delivered by the characters about just how dumb this concept, indeed, the whole genre of teenybopper alien invasions, can be.
The self-deprecating humor may not be up to Scream's level,
but at least it's a change of pace.
Acting, as usual, ranges from the stunted to the pathetic. At least everyone seems enthusiastic about their line readings. Too enthusiastic, sometimes. Carter and Hayden, especially, fall into the overacting trap, while trying to play teenagers convincingly (*snicker*). You know the drill: he looks shocked, shocked, at all the strange things going on. She screams a lot. I do, too. Mostly, I scream "ACTING," at the TV.
Robert J. Gurney Jr's script is a wee bit aged, too. Plus, half the joke is in the delivery, and the jokes come at about a 1 to 2 hit-miss ratio. Don't expect bust-a-gut laughs, not unless you supply the jokes yourself.
And, remember, this is still an alien invasion movie from the 50s, so making fun of it is like making fun of Al Gore's personality, or that stupid look George Dubbya has in his eye.
Remember, also, that unlike the presidential race, this movie is supposed to be funny. It's flawed . . . but that just helps grease the wheels of comedy.
