REVIEW DATE: 9:3:9:9
I got a lot of flack for saying what I said about the original King Kong (okay, 2 letters, but that still counts). I guess I'm just asking for trouble with this one, but here I go.
This will mark the second remake I've ever reviewed. The first being the two Little Shop of Horrors. And, though I cringed in anticipation of arrows flying my way, I was surprised to receive a little piece of mail from Chris, one of the heads of stomptokyo.com (the left one, I think) agreeing with my assessments. So, Chris, for better or worse, this review is all your fault. Everyone, blame Chris.
Ah, crap. They'll never let me into the B-master's Cabal now. Hell, I'd settle for being reinstated on their Links page.
The two Kongs, made across 43 years of history, differ in almost every way. Some deride this flick because of that, but I praise it. If I wanted to see the original flick in color, I'd have watched the colorized version. If you're not going to bring something new to the table, get the hell out of the kitchen (I'm talking to you, Psycho).
Principal new things include the plot. It's the 1970's, after all, and there's a national energy crisis. Thinking he's found the tip of an undiscovered gold mine of oil, Fred S. Wilson (Charles Gordon), hot shot Evil Capitalist for Petrox Petroleum, sets sail for an uncharted island in the Pacific.
Sneaking aboard the tanker is Princeton Professor Jack Prescot (Jeff Bridges). Unlike the previous movie's Jack, this one actually has a brain under all that hair of his. And he's got some pretty weird ideas about the island Wilson is taking everyone too. He thinks its inhabited or something. Piff! Idiot.
Along the way, the expedition comes across a life raft floating along. In it they find Dwan (Jessica Lange), the last survivor of a boating accident (no sharks were involved). Too far into their voyage to turn around and drop their blonde hitchhiker off (who would want to?), Dwan becomes a member of the crew.
Well then make landfall and, yes, the island is inhabited. By strange native people who live behind a giant wall, no less. Wow, deja-vu.
The natives, bereft of blondes, spot Dwan and instantly want her as a sacrifice to their god, Kong. Jack, being Jack, kindly rejects the offer (he and the men scatter the natives with shooting their guns into the air), so the natives steal Dwan away when no one is looking.
Kong grabs the girl, girl screams, men come, men plan, men search. Jack grabs Dwan while Kong's fighting a giant snake, Kong gets pissed. Kong smash puny humans! Puny humans capture Kong, take him to New York, put him on display. Kong gets pissed. Kong smash puny humans! Kong chases Jack and Dwan, captures Dwan, and climbs the World Trade Center. You can figure out what happens from there.
I know. The original Kong is revered as a great classic movie and I wrote a "real nasty" review of it. In my mind, I know it deserves ever harsh word I've lobbed at it. Face it people, the only reason you ignore the hideous performances and idiotic plot contrivances is because this movie was made in 1933. Just admit it and we can get on with our lives.
There, now that I've alienated half the room, let's get down to business.
I've always liked Kong. He and Godzilla both have that "one dude against the world" thing going for them. Not to mention the fact that neither of them asked for the fate the receive. Neither is a monster by their own making. They don't want to do Evil, they just do by following their natural tendencies and being so damn big. Screenwriter Lorenzo (The Parallax View) Semple Jr. realized this, and not only kept this element of Kong as a misunderstood sideliner to fate, but amplified it.
Helping him out was special effects wizard Rick Baker, working on the movie that would launch his career. Okay, so Kong is played by a guy in an ape suit. So what? Lord knows he's given better treatment here then in either of Toho's outings. The face alone, with its semi-human, sometimes beautifully subtle expressions, is the kind of stuff Eiji Tsuburaya could only dream. Kong's head not only set the standard for animatronic creatures, it's still the King after all this time.
Plus, under the head, and inside the suit, is Rick Baker. I've compared Baker to the likes of Kevin Peter Hall, and Dick Durock and, by gum, I just did it again. I'll do it again, too, once I review one of Hall's movies.
So, as a life long lover of guys in big, rubber monster suits, I'd have to rank this big, rubber monster suit as one of the best examples of the effect done right. Through animatronics and physical acting, Kong becomes an actual actor in the flick, and the most sympathetic and tragic monster on film.
Oh there are humans here, too. How did they do? Surprisingly well. A hell of a lot better then their 1930's counter parts, that's for damn sure. Jeff Bridges manages to come off as a nice, sympathetic dude, himself. After all, he wants to get the girl, too. Unlike his predecessor, though, he actually stands a chance of succeeding. Being, ya know, smart an all.
Dwan ("Like 'Dawn', except I switched two letters. To make it more memorable,") is an airhead. And that's okay, because her character really is an airhead. In the course of the movie, Dwan says some really stupid things . . . and that's okay, too, because, thanks to Jessica Lange, she says them in character. If you walked up to her in a single's bar, I believe this really is what she'd sound like. That I use those two words, "I believe" is a testament in itself.
Plus, unlike her predecessor, Dwan grows to like the big ape almost as much as we do. By flick's end, she willingly offers to become Kong's human shield, and even the most hardened critic can give the flick points for those scenes. It's called character development, and it's a good thing, people.
Not to say that the movie is perfect. The 70s era blue screen and rear projection are way to obvious for comfort. Wilson is such an Evil Capitalist it's almost funny. And, unlike other such villains, he really does have those little mustachios for twirling. Jack defiantly needs more character.
But so much ink has be wasted on what this movie does wrong. Let's focus on what it go right. It made me care about Kong. Hell, it make me care about Dwan, the airhead blond. And if I care about the airhead blond, somebody got something right. The photography on Kong island is beautiful. The Kong suit is a great piece of work. Semple's script brings great freshness to this old chesnut. John Guillermin's directing keeps everything movie fast and easy, like a fine plane ride. I never got a chance to go to the bathroom, darn it!
And that death scene . . . whoa (as Joey Lawrence used to say). That makes all the difference. It, and the emotional weight it packs, illustrate the gulf between the two Kongs, and why I'd pick this one every time. Hands down.
Gs (out of a possible five)
MOCK O' METER
