REVIEW DATE: 8:27:9:9
Traveling through the wastelands of Cinema, one will eventually happen across the Great Oasis of Kung Fu. In the Great Oasis of Kung Fu (© 1999, Dr. Psy Chosis) one will find more movies about guys hitting each other then one knows what to do with. Not just the a-typical "Pow, smack, punch!" movies, or Bruce Lee-alikes, either. Occasionally, one will happen upon a Kung Fu movie that is truly weird. This one, for instance.
Now, I wasn't searching for a Kung Fu movie, per se, I just passed through the "L" section of the Action department when an eye damaging green sticker caught my eye. "Manager's pick," it said. The movie had lived up the rigorous standards of the video stores owner. Or, maybe the sticker marks titles that no body bothers to rent. Whatever. Interest peeked, I gave the box a read, finding that, holy crap, it's not just a Kung Fu movie, but it's a Motown Kung Fu movie.
Sweet!
Leroy Green (Taimak) is the hero of this story. A young man from Harlem, Leroy begins the movie by completing his training at the foot of a local Kung Fu master. As we open, we find that Leroy has completed his training, yet he doesn't want to leave. Apparently, to become a true Kung Fu master you must first see a cheep video effect (referred to as "the glow") appear all over your body. Lacking this, Leroy feels he has not finished his training. Not to be discouraged, the master interests Leroy with a gold medallion, and sends him on a mission to find a great master (whose name I didn't write down) and give the medallion to him.
We then jump over a continuity error and find "Bruce" Leroy the head of a Harlem based school of martial arts. This rampant teaching of self defense manages to piss of local gangster Sho'Nuf, the Shogun of Harlem (Julius Carry), to the extreme.
Yes, "the Shogun of Harlem". Told ya this was sweet.
In his first scene Mr. 'Nuf and his gaggle of yes people confront Leroy at a movie theater. A Bruce Lee movie is playing, 'natch. We learned two things from this scene: (a) Sho'Nuf is not the most popular shogun in history and (b) he's a royally arrogant asshole, repeatedly asking, "Who's the badest? Who's the meanest? Who's the prettiest?" To which his yes people always replay, "Sho'Nuf!".
Like all royally arrogant assholes, he views Leroy as a challenger to his thrown. Leroy, being the humble man of peace that he is, doesn't take the bate, leaving Sho'Nuf to take out his anger on the theater's inhabitants.
Switching story arcs, we find new wave blonde babe, Angela (Faith Prince), her slimy boyfriend/manager, Eddie (Christopher Murney) and Eddie's dumb slab of meat, Rock (Mike Starr). Eddie is an agent with fewer successes then hair on his ever-balding head. Now, he plans to take Angela to the top by airing her odious video on a famous TV show, hosted by none other then the famous Lara Charles (Vanity).
What's that? You don't know who Lara Charles is? Heathen! She's only the host of a national syndicated rock video show, broadcast live from her own personal Xanadu! She's the wet dream of teenage boys around the world (including Leroy's little brother), one shot at her show will mean fame and fortune for Angela, and even more fan and fortune for Eddie.
Naturally, she turns Eddie down.
So, naturally, Eddie tries to have her kidnapped. Several times. However, each time meets with failure at the hands of "Bruce" Leroy. In the scenes we've all be waiting for, Leroy takes apart Eddies thugs handedly, once on the street, and once in Eddies own apartment, thoroughly trashing the place. Humiliated by having this one Michael Jackson look alike foil his plans, Eddie gets personal, hiring the toughest, roughest, badest-asses he can find. And, tell me, who's the badest?
"Sho'Nuf!"
Who's the meanest?
"Sho'Nuf!"
Who's the prettiest?
"SHO'NUF!"
The Shogun of Harlem.
It is my happy duty to report that, while this is not a great movie, The Last Dragon is exactly what it's supposed to be: absurd fun. Nothing more, nothing less. Writer Louis Venosta and director Michael Schultz obviously didn't have much more on their minds then goffie fun when they made this picture. It shows, too. With some funny bits, good characters (bonus points go to Taimark for practically sweating naiveté) and back to back to back fight scenes, one could easily waste a night of fun with one's significant other one this movie.
There's really nothing for me to bitch about in this movie. That's rare. Damn rare. So rare, in fact, that it becomes a blessed gift to one such as I. I could pick this movie apart for not being totally serious, or totally comedic. I could criticize it on its irritating, mid-1980s score. I could take this movie to task for not featuring the hyperactive, Hong Kong style Kung Fu of The Matrix and such. I could take this movie seriously. But I won't. Face it, people: this is simple turn-your-brain-off fare. A drive-in movie, if you will. The kind that makes Joe Bob swoon and makes Dr. Psy laugh even as his jaw drops.
The Last Dragon is one of those absurd comedies that no one is suppose to think about too much. If that's not what you're looking for, the keep right on walking. But if you want Kung Fu, laughs, and stupid 80s music, come over here and sit yourself down.
RATING (OUT OF A POSSIBLE FIVE)
SHO'NUF!
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