Movies
like this really make me wish for another rating system here at AYTIWS. You see, when I
review a movie, I try to take into account all the things that might make a movie
enjoyable, including entertainment value. Once in a while, though, I run up against movies
like this. Movies so utterly, so compleatly, so rancidity BAD that I don't
even bother to make a title logo for them. Waste of web space.
On the flip side, these movies can, on occasion, create entertainment value out of being rancidity bad. I have, until now, attempted to factor that in when reviewing a movie, attempting to give movies like that their fare shot and keep them from breaking their legs on the gopher hole I call "Bones", my equivalent of a "0" on the Richter scale. As you can no doubt guess, I've failed miserably. I just can't do it. Laughing at Albert Pyun generates a much different form of entertainment from, say, laughing at Jack Nicholson. I call it "negative entertainment value", and, alas, I have no scale to measure it.
Why not, you ask? Well . . . um . . . er . . . First there is, uh . . .
Hey! Why the hell not?!
Hang on a second, will ya?
. . .
Okay, I've updated the Ratings page. Something I thought I'd never do. You can check it out now, or wait until we've finished with tonight's gem format he past, Prince of Space. Acording to the IMDb, "Compared to this, Ed Wood's Plan 9 can be considered a masterpiece!" Now that's an insult.
Japan is best known for either (a) its monster movies, or (b) its Samurai movies. Yet, in the deep black pit of entertainment, there exists whole other genre of Japanese movies: the Superhero movies. I don't just mean Ultraman. No, I mean the really weird ones. Like Inframan, Invasion of the Neptune Men or, in this case, Prince of Space. Completely overlooked by almost every critic on the planet, these movies seam fit to suffocate on their own obscurity.
There's a very, very good reason for that.
One day, Japan is minding its own business when, from the sky comes the Phantom of Krankor, and his ship, the Nautilus. No, it isn't really the Nautilus, but with its spinning drill nose and just-out-of-the-Fruity-Pebbles-box look, it could certainly pass for the famous sub. Then again, I suppose it could also challenge Atoragon's mantle, but never mind.
I won't even mention that idiocy of sending an invasion force of one ship. That one's to easy. I must, however, make comments on the fact that the planet Krankor has, apparently, mastered interplanetary travel, yet doesn't have enough fuel for a proper invasion force. Instead, they send one ship (one!) to steal a secret fuel the Standard Scientist discovers. And I'm supposed to believe this? Yeah, right. Sure. Whatever.
Anyway, the Phantom and his crew of Chicken Men (who are almost as threatening as Hanson) land in Japan. Of course. Journalists and the local PD assemble around the ship, along with some standard scientists and anoying Japanese children! Some burn to a crisp at the hands of a Krankorian death ray. The children, sadly, remain alive.
Possessing a death ray and the willingness to use it, Phantom orders that super powerful rocket fuel brought to his ship or he'll really turn up the juice. All looks hopeless when, suddenly, ("Look, up in the sky!") the Prince of Space enters this mess. Prince, a scrawny little midget clad in a head-hugging helmet, shall, and to-tight-for-my-taste leather pants, couldn't strike fear into the hearts of evil doers if his partner were Charles Manson. Yet, somehow, he frightens away the invading force of Krankor (one whole ship!) by walking around, thrusting out his washboard chest, and pontificating about the uselessness of Krankorian weapons.
And I'm supposed to believe this? Yeah, right. Sure. Whatever.
Boy, and I thought the American Super hero genre was filled with camp and crap. But this . . . this makes Batman and Robin look like . . . um . . . Meteor.
Even compared to this, Batman and Robin still sucks.
Plus, the children. Oh the precious little bastards. Through various means, Japanese children of the 1950s managed to gain access to the highest levels of both science and the government. Is it a restricted area, hazardous to the planet's health? You can bet your ass that some kid wearing short shorts and talking in a high, squeaky voice will be running around inside it. God I hate children and my hate is directly proportionate to their annoyance factor, plus the pitch of their badly dubbed voice. Or, if you want to get algebraic about it:
H = Af + P
Let's "break it down", as the rap stars say. Prince of Space features acting flatter the Prince's stomach, acidic dubbing (which only makes the acting worse) and SPFX that scrape about six feet under the bottom of the barrel. In short, there is nothing, nothing about this movie that is worthy of your time because it has no redeeming features. Nothing good came of my masochistic journey through the pain called Prince of Space.
Except for the fact that it's so damn funny. I remember this MST3K episode, and I remember almost peeing my pants at the havoc brought upon this movie by Mike that the 'bots. The usual excellent writing team scored some extra points and Prince of Space remains my all time favorite MST3K episode.
This essential Bad Movie duality is why AYTIWS requires the second rating system. So, I suppose, one good thing did come from my masochistic session with the artist formerly known as the Prince of Space.
Gs (out of a possible five)
MOCK O' METER (out of a possible five)
