Like professional critics I do have a rating system. Two in fact. Quick and easy ways to figure out what I thought about a movie. The first system goes from one to five 'Gs'. How good a movie is is derived from the following things, in no particular order: how entertaining it is, how good the script is, how good the acting is, how good the SPFX are, how good the directing is, other stuff, yadda, yadda, yadda . . .
Below are the quick and easy decipher keys.
= This is Bones, a special rating for movies that should
be utterly vanquished to the pit from whence they came. Everyone involved in these movies
should be sterilized for the sake of future generations. Hopefully I won't have to use
this much.
= Industrial strength crap. A movie to be avoided at all
cost. I watched this so you don't have to.
= Pretty bad as movies go, but
it wasn't painful to sit through. Might be good for fans of the particular actor,
director, writer, [insert proper noun here] involved. Everyone else should pick from the
following.
=
Not bad. Definitely worth a look and it has some redeeming features. It's not exactly Casablanca
but I had a mildly fun time. You might too if you're anything like me.
= A darn good movie. Exciting, well made and/or just plain fun to
watch, you can see these movies with confidence that you're getting your money's worth.
= This is a special rating reserved
for the best stuff movie making has to offer. Movies with this rating are ether flawless
or close that it makes no difference. Hopefully I'll use this rating lots of times. But,
given the state of movies today, I doubt it.
The second rating is called, simply, the Mock o' Meter. I know, I know, it's not very original, but most spur of the moment things aren't (just look at the rest of this site). This rating measures to just how easy any given movie is to make fun of, laugh at, or generally insult. Here is the corresponding decipher key:
= You'd have to be Jim Carry to get laughs from this one.
= Not that easy. But not
that hard, either.
= Moderately easy. You might have to stretch yourself, though.
= Challenge? What challenge?
= Think about Mike Tyson defeating
Pee Wee Herman. That's the kind of ease I'm talking about.